streams of thought.... march 29th, 2015

Thoughts on this Sunday. 

They say that “silence is golden”. 

We are also told “never say never”.

We are told that we are limited by the size of our dreams; therefore, dream huge colorful dreams.

I say that sometimes silence is not golden at all. That there are times when we have to express meaningful and thoughtful words that may challenge the emotive balance of another person or group of individuals.  I think there are times that saying “never” is exactly what needs to be said.  I believe that there are some actions, policies, and thoughts that need to be challenged.  However, yes, I would agree that we are limited by the dreams that we hold or believe inside.

Recently, we have seen events that have rippled through the internet in a matter of seconds.  With these events, we have been openly questioned as to what we believe and who do we protect as a society.  This was not the first time, nor will it be the last, that “man” has been presented with the opportunity to defend and speak out for the well-being of another. In the 1930’s, Germany had a community of evil chose one segment of society at a time.  They chose them not to exalt but to exterminate.  In the 1800’s, America had a community of evil that held societal and political power late into the 60’s and 70’s (some would even say to this day) that declared that race was a determining factor of not just how to live but whether or not you lived. In the other countries, such as India, Afghanistan, and Iran, a person’s sexual identity controls their destiny of safety and progression in life even to this day. 

It is not a matter of whether we openly accept a person for how they naturally live out their lives.  Honestly, it comes down to whether or not we respect and value the freedom to choose to live an authentic life.  Sadly, in the 50’s some people would have defended the denial of a Negro eating at the counter in a Woolworth’s store.  Thankfully, there were some that stood up and said that this denial was not just a denial of one group of people but the denial of all.

Today some have said it is within the legal right of a company or a business owner to not serve a gay or lesbian person.  I have a question.  Which side would you have stood with in Germany during the 30’s?  Would you have said that society should not protect the rights of a gypsy or a minority, or a mentally handicapped person or a gay or a Jew?

Discrimination is discrimination no matter the time or the place or the person. We all have to ask ourselves these questions: what are we afraid of? Are we afraid of the color of a person’s skin?  Are we afraid of the clothes that a person may wear? Are we afraid of not the sexual choice of another person but the fact that they are attracted to the same sexual person? Are we afraid of someone that thinks differently than we do? Are we afraid of someone that worships differently than we do? Are we afraid or just uncomfortable?

Many of those that have spoken out in favor of a recent legal decision, which will lead to discrimination, have used their faith beliefs as an argument against the rights of another person. Some are using their beliefs as a mallet beating down the rights of another person.  In that person’s defense, they say that they have rights too and yes they do; however, do those rights supersede the rights of another person?  To be honest, those that oppose just want conformity. They want a society that adheres to their standards of “choice”… oddly enough it sounds like another modern religious group that we find appalling in actions as well.

Now, before someone says that this in defense of one demographic group, these thoughts presented here are the same for the Arab, the Jew, the mentally handicapped, the rich, the poor, the Protestant, the Catholic, the Muslim, the gay, and the straight.  This belief of defending the rights of others is for the young and the old, male or female, the Hispanic and the Asian, or for anyone who does not feel like they are a part of any societal community.

So, I ask myself this as much as I am asking you… Do my actions promote discrimination? Am I promoting dividedness in my silence? Do my actions defend the rights of others? Am I living life based on my interpretation or is it based on the loving actions of Christ? Just as He welcomed others, am I doing the same?    

 

streams of thought....september 30th, 2014

It is the last day of September… how do I choose to walk in it? A day… a moment… a casual meeting… a commute from one place to another… each tick of the clock is a gift.  Before I walk into the world of academia I want to put onto paper some thoughts from the creative

Do you remember having an encounter that seems to capture you but yet releases you? It is difficult to describe actually.  When I tried explaining it to myself I thought of the replacement of the wolves in Yellowstone Park.  A beautiful creature is moved from a place of danger from its environment as well as a danger to its environment.  They are captured and then take to a safer place… captured yet release into a place that provides and protects.

What are some of the words that capture you today?  Are they words that release you or are they words that restrict you?

Here are some that have been in my thoughts this morning… happiness, sadness, hope, fear, trust, peace, stillness, contentment, and perception.

Each have separate meaning yet many of them seem to be intertwined with each other. Sometimes they seem so desperate for meaning, as if they are too limiting.  However, here is where I presently reside with each of them. 

Happiness and sadness – emotions that are attached to the present. They are based on how we feel at the moment based on our interpretation of the current environment we find ourselves in…

Hope and fear – emotions that connect with the future. They are dependent upon our perspective view of life and potential events. Our perspective view is going to determine which one of these is going to be the dominant emotion. It is the farthest away from our present situation yet it seems to be one that dictates how we live with the present emotion.

Trust - an emotion that sees the living around us and either causes us to hold on tightly to what we have held on to for so long or causes us to let go to explore the possibility.

Peace – it is the undercurrent that holds up our present emotion.  When our peace becomes thin the more turbulent the “waters of our soul” becomes and allows us to drift to the more unsettling perceptions.

Stillness and contentment – the bonds that create trust.  When we encounter someone that personifies these two traits alone there is something within us that says that we can dwell in trust. These are the two arms that hold us as we let go of our present emotion of self-doubt.

Perception – the hand that holds the key to our freedom of being or locks us in a cage of negativity. This is the emotion that determines which one of the present time and future time emotions that we will choose from.

John O’Donohue writes in his book Eternal Echoes, the following:

“One of our sacred duties is to be open and faithful to the subtle voices of the universe which come alive in our longing.”

No matter our faith or non-faith… our age, race, or gender… our economic status of having or wanting… the words that we choose to reside with this morning will determine the perception that we have throughout the rest of the day.  And what word we choose to reside with is determined by the perception that we have at this moment.

Namaste…… shalom…. Peace and Light…

streams of thought....september 14th, 2014

So, where do we go from here?  I feel as if I am on a pier looking at the different schooners coming and going into the harbor.  Each carrying a person that is destined to go this way or that.  Some to never been seen again and others to causally meet all over again when Destiny should allow.

I have my rain gear in my knapsack. No Map other than the one that speaks to my heart. My mind is full of visions and dreams. Along with Robert Kennedy, I look into the new horizon and see what is and ask “why” and see what isn’t and ask “why not”

Why not me?  I wonder to myself.  I have met people who have encouraged me to step off the pier and onto a schooner to go explore and reinvent.

Why, do I not believe what others have seen and told me?  It is as if they have gone to foreign land within me and have come back to tell me all that they have seen and a lot of it has been good.

I look to my means and say that there is no way. 

I wonder how many of us give up the richness of who we are because we see the poverty of where we reside.  I wonder how many see a box of crayons and only take out a few because we are fearful to empty out the box. We are… afraid

“Afraid of what?” my Companion of Possibilities asks…

Are you afraid to fail?  Yet, you fail at the mere rejection of practicing who you are.

Are you afraid to be seen?  Yet you are seen and have been seen every day. 

Are you afraid of succeeding? Yet you succeed at not taking the next step every time you say “no”.   

I am not sure what I think about the saying “That life is like an oyster”. That metaphor is so confining.  Oh, I get it.  Yes, a bit of Life’s grain of sand somehow gets into this nasty looking shell; which by the way is how we have allowed our perspective and heart to appear in life some times.  Over time we allow the environment to toss us and constantly wash over us in such a way that we develop a harden exterior; yet all the while inside we strive to be pliable, strong, and resilient. Yet in the midst of all this external violence that develops a crusty old shell there drops a grain of sand. The shell holds that grain of sand and somehow miraculously it turns into a pearl.

What if….

What if that clam did not open itself up to its elements? Well, simply stated, it would no longer live because it would not be able to take in what sustains it’s life… also, it would not be open to creating a pearl, a beautiful development of being.  

We, like the clam, allow the externalities of life to beat against us.  We feel the tides of time wash over us and yet we are afraid to open ourselves up to that same movement. If we are no longer are open to nourishment, we will die inside ourselves. Yes to be open to life and possibilities makes us vulnerable. However, in our vulnerability we become open to making something beautiful and to offer that beauty as a gift to others.

So, where do we go from here? 

We know in our mind’s eye what is behind us so there is no need to turn around to see it.  The past is yet a reference book to help us to understand and possibly write what is before us. 

The voices of the past either encouraged or discouraged us.

The new voices of encouragement are from those that have seen our potential and are here to remind that we have a greater story that is yet to be written.  Also, there will be voices that may discourage us so let them be considered as reminders of lessons that need to be learned.

We also know that there will be moments of silence. Silence has its own voice. Be open to the solitude of it. The sound of time’s movement will be all that we hear just like in the silence of the ocean’s bed.  We all need the sounds of silence so that our bodies can take a moment to rest. A segment of time that allows our body, mind, and spirit to catch up with each other.

As I step on to the schooner of choice this morning, there is the rocking of the vessel… maybe a creaking of soul’s bones… the flexibility of water allows the boat to move as I step into it.  This movement reminds me that life will have its ups and downs; however, it will carry me farther than if I stood on the pier wondering…

“what if”

streams of thought....june 2nd, 2014

 “Watch, Lord, with those who wake or weep tonight. Give the angels and saints charge over those who sleep. O Lord Jesus Christ, tend your sick ones, rest Your weary ones, bless Your dying ones, soothe the suffering ones, pity all the afflicted ones, shield the joyful ones, and all for Your love’s sake.  Amen” – Saint Augustine

I started a book the other day titled, Exuberance: the passion for life. It has been a joy to read. The author is Kay Redfield Jamison, who is a psychologist and well known writer.  She begins the book with a line from the Augustine prayer…

“…shield the joyful ones…”

I stopped as soon as I read that simple set of words. It is not really an easy concept to wrap my mind around actually.  I mean that I agree with the author’s presentation of the fact that we often think thoughts of protection for those that are suffering. We furrow our brows like a farmer tilling the soil when we hear of a tragedy or saddening situation.  We lament over the losses of those in and around our lives. We pour the emotional “alcohol” to numb us to the painful present.

            However….

How many times do we seek to protect the joyful moments and those within them? Oh, we share in the gratefulness of the greater moments while trying to shelter those in the lesser. We speak the goodness of Creator of joy… all the while never thinking that both… joy and grief are many times brought together in the union of the universe. We will walk along the shorelines of sadness while wondering if the waters will ever calm down. We look to the rocky soil that our feet trod upon while in contemplation over the heaviness of life.  We ruminate over the misfortune… yet discard the joyful moments almost as if we already know in the soil of our soul that the seeds of negativity still lie dormant deep within.

The “joyful ones” is not just a place or only a seasonal moment.

            “He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy.” – Kahlil Gibran

Could it perhaps be that we look at the weight of sorrow and look lightly at the spirit of joy? We talk about “sorrow" being for a moment yet we look at joy as an experience.  They are both experiences that we will all have through this circle of life.  We will see the beauty and joy of birth while feeling the pain of loss in death. We see the hope of joy in the movement of a love; while blinded in a transition of grief.  Neither joy nor grief truly occur without the other. Someone once said that for we know “joy” because we have experience “sadness”. Gibran encourages us to not just glance on sorrow like we do an open wound but to look into it; so, that we will understand the future of healing.

Yes, Saint Augustine was wise to ask that there be a shield around those that know joy.  For it is in joy that the darkness of sorrow is given space and healing. It is the strength of joy that lifts the weakest of those in pain.  Thich Nhat Hanh, speaks of the garden of our soil when he shares with us that when a lesser seed of negativity is germinated we need to be mindful of love so that we not become chocked by the weed of hatred.  It is in the act of metta that we give ourselves and those around us the air of freedom to not be down-casted but to be uplifted

We are meant to dance as well as mourn. We have a spirit that lives within us that longs to be laughing at the simplest of things.  We all have this inner child that dares to dance to music within and it is so wanting to just get out of the chair that we have many times confined it to.  We have an inner adolescent that wants to know that it is ok to be embraced with sadness while still having the freedom to joyfully explore its own identity.  In many ways, it could be that the lack of freedom is where we get the shackles of self-restraint; so, that the desired joy of self-acceptance is denied.  

Would we not be angry if we discovered that a missing child had been entrapped and placed into slavery?

Would we not be infuriated over the knowledge of run-away teenager being abused?

Would we not grieve over the loss that a person has to accept when they are confronted with a death or illness?

That child… that teenager… they all represent something to us. They represent the innocence of joy.  The promise of hope.  They are the dream-makers in our lives. They represent the daring ability to try something that adults rationalize as being inconvenient… reckless… radical… promising.

The confrontation of death and illness symbolizes something fundamental to all of us.  They tell us that life is dangerous… fleeting… mortal… loss of freedom… it steals our dreams.

Yes, shield the joyful ones.  Protect those that have hearts that send us light into a darken present. Provide a music within them to sing to us so that we have the opportunity to dance.

We need those that have a joy to be free to reach their hands out to those that are lying down in the gutter of despair; so that in the union of connection the strength of the joyful draws those that are weak to be stronger.

If you are joyful, dance with life.

If you are joyful, speak with words of encouragement.

If you are joyful, reach out to those that are weaken.

If you are joyful, do not consider this a fleeting a moment for self-pleasure but a time to share in the journey of those that need you the most.

breaking script…. Namaste

Streams of thought....april 24th, 2014

“It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.” –   

Christian Nevell Bovee 

It is early in the morning and the aroma of my freshly brewed cup coffee is still filling the air… the sun is beginning to shine through the venetian slats… the warmth of the sun filtering through the window glass is creeping along my desk.  The sounds of the day are awaken as is my own spirit. 

It is a new day.  One that is filled with no deadlines of classes or papers.  Yesterday, I sat in my chair after a moment of mediation and wondered aloud to my cat, Tigre, “what will we do today?”  Her empty glance at me looked as if the words fell into her ears and her look told me all that I expected to hear.  She looked towards me flipping her tail as if to say that it was my issue to deal with and then she looked away. 

We find ourselves many times moving from one busy schedule to another like high flying artist that glide from one high swing to the next.  Our only safety net is the one that we have created in our own minds. We move from one event to another… always… expecting... another… event… to be there for us… to… grasp.

I was wondering a few weeks ago about this issue of “passion”. 

I was in the midst of a therapeutic shift that unbeknownst to me was already in place, much like a hidden treasure in the kitchen cupboards of your grandparent’s home.   This shift that I was going through was like finding a part of me that I had never recognized before and all I could do was smile.  In fact after I had become aware of this shift, I sat with my therapist relating to her my discovery and she gave me that same smile; as if to say, that she was glad that I finally found it too. In the midst of this shift, I came to some important life questions and one of them was about the detection of “meaning”. 

So, I started to ask myself, “What do I feel pulled to?”

 As I moved through this transition from one phase to another, I sat down one morning to do some of my writings and I came across this idea of “passion”.  I began to wonder more about what “passion” looks like and how does it make me feel to have it in a healthy fashion this time. 

See, I had fought for so long against the unhealthiness of my body that I had almost forgot what it is that I am passionate about… other than survival.

It has not been that long ago when I would wake up and the first thing on my mind would be whether or not my body was going to be consumed with an infection.  At that time, my day consisted of trying to get back to a “normal” life while giving myself daily injections of antibiotics through my “pic-line”?  My passion during that time was just to get healthy; so, that I could get back to a normal life… a different life than before… but a normal life.   

Now, I sit here at my desk typing out a few words and not wondering what life will look like but more about how will I act it out. This the life that I have chosen and I find meaning in it.  I had never really expected it to look like this when I was younger. The sounds of wind chimes in the background… the smell of hot dark coffee blending with the warmth of the sunlight on a solitude morning… me with my thoughts playing as the wind chimes in my soul. 

What is passion?  In many ways it is our alarm clock.  It is our sunlight peeking through the venetian blinds of our imagination.  It is the companion when the fears and the successes of life have faded away to only come out again on “special” events.  It pulls us into the direction that our sense of being longs to go in.  Passion is the act of being who we truly are meant to be.  The quote above says much more than we may see at a first glance. Passion is the act of the kiss.  It is the movement of the artist that glides his hands… or her voice… or their feet… that reflect a heart of intimacy in displaying who they are within themselves. And the kiss is not an act of function but of celebration.  However, it is the love or affection that we have for what we are passionate that sanctifies it… or in other words sets it apart from all others.  Sometimes we meet some individuals with the kiss of greeting… a small sign of more than just acknowledgement of handshake. With passion we kiss someone that we know much more intimately. When we know a person with intimacy…someone that we have a deep abiding, almost bubbling, affection for the kiss becomes much more than just an act.  It is a sign of what they mean to us.

Passion is much more than an act of writing a check to an organization.  Passion is much more than saying that we support a group of individuals. A deep affective passion moves us from our slumber and pulls us to an intimate act of setting apart a space of our being so that we can reflect a deeper better part of who we truly are in this movement of time. It is the willingness to be almost consumed with the thought how do I do this well and how does this give me a sense of meaning that soothes my own soul.

We all have a something or someone that we believe in and we believe in it so much that we tell others from time to time.  We all have a sports team or a politician or a band or a movement that we claim as our own.  We wear the caps and t-shirts.  We put the bumper stickers on our cars. We go to rally events so that we can be in a community of supporters. However, do they make us want to get out of bed so we can find a way to engage with them?  Passion will do that. Passion will pull us not push us.  We detect the greater sense of passion and we cannot escape it gravitational yearning for us to engage with it.

 Rebecca West, an English writer, wrote these words,

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.”    

 We wake up every morning with one of two feelings. 

We either wake up with emptiness in our souls that we spend all day trying to fill

Or

We wake up with an immense passion that we cannot wait to act out and share with all that we meet.

 It is the search for and the embracing of our soul’s passion that defines not just who we are but who people remember us to be.

 breaking script….Namaste

 

streams of thought....april 8th, 2014

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France

As a child, we all seemed to have had dreams. 

We all played games of adventure and fantasy. 

When I was young boy, we would many times grow up wanting to be the noble character of a fireman, or a sports figure, or a doctor.  It was a time when many of us simply may have wanted to be what our father’s had been… a farmer… a salesman… a person that went off to do whatever it was that they did.  During that same era, the young girls wanted to be teachers… or nurses… or to be doctors as well…. or they, too, simply may have wanted to be whatever their mothers might have been. 

Growing up in the Midwest during that time was just simpler actually.  It was simple… somewhat satisfying… yet… there was something within us that wanted more.

I remember dreaming of becoming a park ranger.  I liked the outdoors… the chance to live near the mountains… In fact, I vaguely remember a television show that was about being a national park ranger.  It was exciting… you lived in some amazing places… and did exciting things… and you got to rescue people because it seemed like every week there was somebody that needed rescuing. Then I realized that a park ranger in the mountains had to climb a lot of things; so, I quickly crossed that dream off my list because I had this fear of heights.  

We all have dreams; even now at this very moment. 

We have things that we want to accomplish.  We have weaknesses that we want to overcome.  We may be facing an illness that we are working to not only move on from but to regain a life that we once had or thought that we wanted back.  We may be struggling with a break in a relationship that seems entangled in our hearts and souls. We may dream of retiring to that beach front cottage or to travel the globe experiencing the richness of life that we have worked so hard to develop.

To dream is the life of the inner child within us.  It is the simplicity of that child that is willing to dare the impossible because, as a child, there aren’t any impossibilities.  The child within us wants to be courageous and to do that which is considered risky.  Many times the most colorful of ideas come from the child within us.  Yet, a child needs something to empower them to act out their fantasy.  It needs security. It needs reassurance. It needs to feel that no matter what happens tomorrow will be another opportunity to act the dream all over again.  It needs an adult.

The adult.  We all know this part of us all too well.  The adult is the one that says that there needs to be order and tells the child all the time that its fantasy is silly.  The adult in us counts the cost that says it is too risky to do some of the things that the inner child wants to attempt.  It tells the inner child in the back of our minds to sit down and to buckle up. The adult…. It is the one that disciplines us sometimes because the mischievous child acts out a dream on their own. It is the one that sets the boundaries too tightly because…. Well, it doesn’t want the child to be hurt.  Our adult personae tells us to be rational in an irrational world.  All the while, the adult part of us wants to have freedom to have fun… but we have stifled the child so much that we lost sight of it.

Then there is the adolescent within us that has the energy to act upon the dreams of the inner child but still needs the guidance of the inner parent.  The inner teenager says that they know that it can do what the inner child wants to do… and do it even bigger.  It is the “older sibling” that is not willing to listen to the parent because it is still deeply connected with the younger child but won’t admit it.  It is the part of us that wants to discover who we are by trying to do all that we can.  It is the energy storehouse of all the inner passion… healthy and unhealthy.  It is the reckless one that doesn’t mean to be careless but they are still trying to find their own meaning in life.  The inner adolescent is the one that looks in the mirror every day and says “what can I accomplish today because I am invincible enough to overcome anything”.  The only problem is that sometimes that internal mirror is a distorted reflective object that can create some unhealthy imagination.

We all have dreams….

We all have the ability to release the inner child into the playground of possibilities.

We all have the inner teenager that says that I can do anything… I just don’t know what it is that I want to do.

We all have the adult that has learned over time how to protect itself and to plan out a contingency when things go awry.

Sometimes we forget about that inner child and lose sight of our dreams of desires. 

Many times the inner adolescent shows up as our insecurities of just not knowing what we want to do and questions sometimes if the dream that we dare to “dance” with will say yes.

Life is filled with risks and dares us to dream… when the inner part of who we truly are becomes present that is when we can live this life with the richness of meaning.

 

Breaking Script… Namaste.

streams of thought....march 14th, 2014

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” – Rumi

I remember the first time I went to Chautauqua Park in Boulder, Colorado.  At first, I wasn’t sure what Molly, my two year old puppy, and I would find once we got there.  It was a hot summer’s day and the crowded parking lot told me that we were not about to do this hike alone. Molly, ever the one that wanted to run off to see what could be found, was a handful to contain.  The park is a vast playground for dogs and humans alike. As we started off, we soon found that we had a choice of trails to take and I liked the one that seemed to be the less traveled.  Quickly we discovered why it was less travelled. The beginning stretch was long… baking in the sun… and all up hill. Somewhere near the end my four legged friend turned to look at me as she was asking me what was I thinking. All I could do was just keep moving. As we continued on, finding some shade thankfully, I turned around to see a sight that simply made me stop in amazement. It wasn’t just the view of the valley from another perspective but it was the silence of solitude, on this lesser travelled path, that made the difficult effort worth it all.

John O’Donohue, in his book Eternal Echoes, writes,

“When you open your heart to discovery, you will be called to step outside the comfort barriers within which you have fortified your life. You will be called to risk old views and thoughts and to step off the circle of routine and image. This will often bring turbulence.”

Many times we sit in a coffee shop or in the solitude of our homes pondering over what our lives have been like.  Some of us have had amazing lives… we have travelled to faraway lands… we have held in our arms the warmth of a small baby… we have been present when a child has read their very first sentence. Yet, we still search for more.  Maybe it because our souls are used to change and daring to risk the experience of the unknown. There are others of us that look back and wonder what if we had taken a step that seemed out of character because our character has always been used to playing it safely with life. However, I think that our world needs both but we need more.

The great mystic, Rumi, asks us a very poignant question.

“When will we begin that long journey of discovering ourselves?”

This simple question elicits many thoughts and emotions.  It is ok to be fearful in beginning the search for who we are and what we want to do in this gift called life. It is ok to get angry when life seems to be a struggle or even going very well when we get a notice from the doctor with bad news. It is ok to have sweaty palms before you walk down the aisle or to make a life commitment with another person.  

And…

It is ok to smile and to receive the gift of recognition. It is ok to fall in love. It is ok to stop every once in a while to look back at the path that has helped you to see where you have come from and in the process grown as a person. It is ok to feel the exhilaration of daring to go somewhere or to do something that you would have never imagine going to or doing. It is ok to shed a tear of happiness over the joys of life… or to laugh so hard that your sides hurt.

We often times dare not because we are afraid of failing.  However, when we fail to act we fail to discover a part of ourselves that is hidden away in a place that can only be unlocked by the key of risk. Other times we dare not because we want the instant sense of accomplishment. I think that Rumi used the word “long” for a purpose. Many times the effort takes longer than the act itself. How many times have we prepared for a major event then when the event gets here we discover that the moment went faster than we had hoped it would.

Sometimes, we are reluctant to seek out our inner self because we are afraid of change. Change is hard work.  Change is painful and not always enjoyable. If change came easily or without turbulence, then we have to question whether or not it was change.  If we go to the gym and never get sore nor do we ever sweat, we will not see the changes that we truly want. For a cell to grow it must be divided. So, maybe we struggle with growth because we are attached to people that do not want change. Maybe we are addicted to a lifestyle that wraps the metal shackle around our spirit that yearns to be free from a slavery of an unhealthy life.

John O’Donohue continues to write.

“But your soul loves the danger of growth”

As I ascended to the top of a Flatiron, I faced my fear of heights. It was at this point that I had to let go of Molly for the first time and little did I know at that time that facing an even greater fear later the next year I would have to let her go again but for the last time.

Many times we look at life and see the opportunities to change right in front of our “faces”.  We cling to a rock’s stony flesh and fear that we will fall. We walk the precipice’s precarious edge wonder if we can keep our balance.  It is then as we take the next step we discover something new…

What are some of the dreams that we hold on to so tightly that we are afraid to let it go and let them have their freedom to become a reality?  Do we meet the face of those in need and wish we could do more?  Do we know deep within ourselves that we have a gift but we are afraid to unwrap it because of the fear it may get broken while we use it?

We all have the opportunity to live a life that dares us to do more and as Ralph Ellison writes,

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”

Breaking script… Namaste

Streams of thought....march 10th, 2014

“Three Rules of work: out of clutter find simplicity, from discord find harmony, and in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

A smiling old man… a laughter of a young child… a polite beeping of a horn… the sounds of birds in the morning.  These are some of the sights and sounds of Nicaragua for me.

It has been less than twenty-four hours since I have arrived back to my home here, in Denver, from Managua, Nicaragua. I have been asked a number of times about how my trip went and so far I am not really comfortable in knowing how to respond.  There are so many different adjectives that I could possibly use to describe my experience; so, I am always searching for the right ones to use with the person who has inquired about my time there.

As I was driving home this morning from an appointment, I was presented with an inner question. 

That question is this:

How will I live life going forward?

Will I slowly drift backwards into the life that I once lived?

Will I still seek to be challenged as I was this past week?

How do I value the spending of a dollar when there is a country only a few hours away, by flight, where people exist on less than five dollars a day?

I am not seeing this inner journey of self-reflection as a judgment against or for one society over another. I am not writing this to criticize a system while comparing it to another.  However, what I am doing is measuring my own sense of responsibility in response to the need of another person.
Do I desire what the Nicaraguan culture has?  I saw some things that deeply influenced me.  There were some experiences that made me uncomfortable. There were some experiences that challenged old perceptions and concepts. There were also some scenes that inspired me… and that is why I am at this place in my own processing of this past week.  It is the smile of the old man that welcomed me to the life of living with fear and insecurity; yet living a life that reflects a sense of gratitude for all that is given not in a life time nor in a year’s time but on a daily breath by breath moment.

I am not comfortable in answering how this past week in Nicaragua was… but then again change is never supposed to be comfortable.  It is a personal season where, as Sharif Abdulhamid, told me that the “lens gets smudged”.  Your spiritual muscles get torn and ripped apart so that new muscle cells of our conscience can grow.  We become stronger as a society when we take change and learn from it.
I cannot label this with simple adjectives… no single emotion can embrace what my heart can hold.

Albert Einstein was an amazing man and it was not just in the realm of mathematics and physics.  I learn more about him as a person when I read his thoughts on social justice issues, so his comments above are great guides in not just in the aspect of work but also in life itself.

• “…out of clutter find simplicity…”  Life many times is completely messy.  We get entangled in the busyness of life so much that we lose the beauty of simple things
• “…from discord find harmony…”  We all have multiple opportunities to be in community.  These communities will inevitably have discord.  It is a fact of nature that we will either have our own or will encounter someone that has a misconceived perception.  These ill designed sensitivities will cause disunity. So, within the wind swept mountain side we many times need to find a common place of refuge so that all can find shelter.
• “…in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” It is in the middle of difficulty that we are going to discover the most valuable opportunity.  It is in the midst of pain we will search for relief and an answer.  In the midst of illness, we search for a cure. The marginal challenges already have an answer built within them; so it is in the depth of conflict that we many times begin to look for the greatest opportunity.  

I heard once from a rabbi that we all have been embodied with the capacity to do something phenomenal… a greater purpose.  It is when we do not search for or act upon that greater good that society becomes the poorer for it.

breaking script…Namaste

streams of thought...february 20th, 2014

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Bernice Johnson Reagon.

I am learning an interesting lesson here in Denver. The lesson is this. I should never expect to know what the weather is going to be like within the same day let alone one day to the next. We had beautiful sunny 60 degree weather throughout the day yesterday; however, around 8 pm it started to snow.

Learning the art of never really knowing what to expect seems to fit in all other areas of life, too.

So, let me ask this question. How are our beginning of the year commitments coming along? 

We all know that they were difficult.  For those that have kept up with those commitments, we applaud you for your efforts and successes.

Some of us remember the commitments and realize that we let them go a few weeks ago. 

Some of us are still hanging on to them; however, it has become a battle to keep them going and only do it on a sporadic basis. 

Keeping those commitments is a battle.  If it wasn't a battle, we might be either guilty of setting the "bar" too low or we may be wondering why we didn't do them earlier.

Well, we are near the end of the second month of this New Year.  The feeling of spring is starting to set in with the arrival of March.  Oh, we know that we will still face some winter moments in the next month or two; however, inwardly we know that spring is almost here. The season of natural introspection is about to blossom into the season of new energy. It is during this time of the year that we find a new breath. We get new energy.

Unfortunately, I believe that we miss the spiritual seasonality of life. We get so tired of the cold... and the snow... and the bitter wind. We miss this seasonal opportunity to drawn within so that we can assess who we are becoming.  We get distracted from asking ourselves, “Are we being true to who we are designed to be as a person?” 

No, I don't mean that we ask the question that we seem to ask ourselves often... "Am I working at the right place?"  No, it is deeper than that. 

Do we ask ourselves?

If I have the heart of an artist, am I developing and utilizing those skills that speak from my heart? 

If I have the capability of being a leader, am I giving myself the opportunity leading a class or a project or a movement?

If I am a thinker, am I developing this gift by reading great books or developing ideas that could change the world?

If I am a listener, am I giving the gift of my presence to someone who needs to be heard?

It is in this season of winter that all external signs of nature's life seems to disappear.  The leaves on the trees have fallen.  The flowers are still yet a seed in the soil of the earth. The warm air may briefly appear like it did yesterday but can quickly escape because it lacks something that we create within ourselves... limitations. 

Yes, we create within ourselves the shackles called “limitations”.  Life has been described as a "brief moment of time" or "we are like a vapor". Yet, time has no limitations.  Vapor has no limitations. The wind has no limitations. Who can harness either of those things? So, why do we want to harness our own capabilities with self-imposed limitations?

We create limitations within ourselves.  Erroneously, we impose them on others by saying or doubting their capabilities. 

If we are a business person, we look to see what a new applicant can do to increase our bottom line; instead of thinking outside the box and wondering if the job is the right one for this person. Basically, we place the job above the person.  We wonder if the person is the right one for the job instead of wondering if the job is the right one for the person.

If we are a coach, we have kids who try out for positions. During the course of the try out, we have children trying out for positions that do not fit their capability.  So, we should help them to see the strengths of who they are so that they can develop their value by being the right "player on the team".  

As a parent, we think of how successful we want our children to be without really wondering what defines success for each of them; because it is going to be different with each one.

We are still in a season of dormancy.  We are still hiding our "seasonal leaves".  If the original commitment of the year is still in play then keep on moving towards its completion. If the original commitment of the year has been pushed off to the side, don’t think negatively about not keeping it.  Consider the fact that maybe we just made the wrong commitment and make the right one today.

We are confined by our limitations.  We are defined by being who we truly are meant to be.

 

streams of thought...february 17th, 2014

Who are you? No really… who are you? We ask this about ourselves all the time in every decision we make throughout the day. 

For example, some of us got up this morning and opened up a box of Lucky Charms cereal and poured it into a bowl. Even the bowl tells us who we envision who we are… if we think that we have a big appetite we got the big “Jethro Beau Dean” mixing bowl… if we saw ourselves as needing to cut back on the “magically delicious” crunch of sugar and cereal then we got out a smaller bowl.
Some of us got up and rushed out the door with a couple pieces of toast and shot of coffee… what we have in the coffee tells us even more about who we have accepted about ourselves.

Others might have mindfully got out a banana… some steel rolled oatmeal… juice… and consumed it in a mindful manner after giving thanks and asking for the grace to carry this meal within our body.
Each example tells us more and more about who we think we either are… or want to be… or better yet are on the path to becoming.

We all make simple and complex choices throughout the day that reflect an inner message.
I remember while in the midst of my struggle; I would discover the strength to walk a few blocks. I had no idea what I looked like on the outside but I know what I felt like on the inside. But you know what I remember the most? The smiles of some of those that I walked past.

I have a habit that was created within these past few years where I have developed this practice of looking into the eyes of people when I encounter them. Those glimpses seem to tell me a lot. You can see caution in some. You can find peace in others. There are some that all you can see is pain… or searching… or wonder. Every once in a while, I would make eye contact with someone as I would be walking along and sometimes I would be surprised by … their smile. Now I call them my angels. It was the Divine’s way of telling me that I am noticed and loved. It was His way of telling me that I am going to be ok.

How many of us think that we have made choices well in advance? We, may very well, have made decisions in advanced but scientists have discovered that we are given the option to make “mental choices” every fifteen seconds. It is this repetitive action that leads to a habit or a lifestyle. Our brain actually gets used to the chemical and the electrical impulses from those reactions when we make those choices and that repetitive action leads to a normal state of behavior that is called a “habit”.
We are given a lot of choices to consider and some of those are choices lead us to believe who we are. These choice can happen in the moment of time… a mental blink… every fifteen seconds. Our choice of who believe that we are is going to be reflected in our actions… in our words… in our eyes. If we believe that we are nothing more than someone that gets up and shuffles into the “kitchen” to mentally and emotionally eat “junk food” and believes that is all that we are… we will become “junk food” and that is not magically delicious.

Savor the thought… consume the belief that we are more than our circumstances. We are more than the day to day grind of a job that betrays the true value of who we are. We are more than the medicine or the tubes that we have in or hanging from our body. We are more than the bank account that is either barely over zero or exceeds the millions. We are more than just a whisper of time. We are the creative design of a person who has the ability to overcome all opportunities of life. Our intrinsic value is determined not by what we possess but by the passion that is within our own heart and mind.

Breaking script… Namaste

 

streams of thought....february 12th, 2014

Sometimes I get a little lost in the journey.  Do you ever feel that way?

We get caught up in the movement that we exhaustedly sit down at the end of the day and we simply... with a sigh... wonder what happen.  We made plans. We set the calendars. We made lists. We did every conceivable organizational thing we have been taught or promoted to do but yet we think about all that we did not accomplish. We think back on the day and become aware of a lost fifteen minutes driving.... or ten minutes standing in line... or the phone call or project that took a lot longer than we had planned for. 

So, what do we normally do?  We begin to think that we need to just either be more disciplined or we need to plan better or we need to just be more focused... or perhaps... maybe, we need to give ourselves space. 

In the past four months, I have been working on my balance and flexibility.  It has been a difficult two years and the tension of the inner struggle for health has taken its toll on me. However, I know that what I am doing in the present is beyond my wildest imagination. I look back at photos that were taken prior to my diagnosis of cancer and I am reminded that I was not as healthy as I thought that I was at that time.  My body was betraying my own sense of health.  I was running and preparing to participate for a half marathon but the whole time my body was silently dying inside. The thing that I thought was normal was actually anything but normal. I have very little recollection of the first month after my first surgery but I do remember at times driving around the streets of Denver feeling exhausted and confused.  I, now, realize it was the lack of glucose and other vitally important nutrients. In that first month I had not eaten or drank anything of measurable value.

Four more surgical procedures later, I was walking out St Luke's Hospital for the last time.  Well, more like shuffling out of the hospital for the last time. A year after that last surgery, I am sitting here planning on going on an exploratory / immersion trip to Nicaragua. I will have my personal trainer certification from the NCSF at the end of the month. We will be in the second semester of a graduate school program in Counseling/Psychology at Regis University. We will be Level One certified in the practice of Reiki. We will start the completion of a book that will hopefully encourage and inspire others.

Inwardly, I smile that it took me almost a half a century to realize that the act of balance comes not from juggling a lot of projects or tasks. I am now aware that being stable is not the same as being sedentary. But the journey of health and healing came from within before it was seen from the outside.

I remember my yoga instructor, Julieta Claire, inviting me to come back to the practice of yoga.  I knew that I was going to be very limited due to the devices that I had to carry and was attached to at the time. To me the invitation meant more than the actual participation. Since that time, I have had not been able to practice with Julieta but I have carried on the practice in my home. I am aware that for me the invitation was an external gift of belonging. The internal gift of belonging is found in being mindful of my own longing to "be".  To be authentic. To be faithful to my own practice. To be content not in things but content within my own sense of self. To not be judgmental. To not be critical of self.  

The Buddha says that we should only speak when these four criteria are being met:

§  Is it True

§  Is it Timely

§  Is it helpful

§  Is it kind

Christ said that we are to love others as we love ourselves. But how many times do we forget the second part, "as we love ourselves" The act of metta.

A good friend Rachael Medd said, "To help cultivate a state of balance and stability; among the suffering and noise, [we need to know] what it is to be ‘alive’ and to be able to make sense of this, accept this and use this to not only realize, but explore… who we truly are."

When I read those words, I was reminded of what John O’Donohue wrote. He writes, “The beauty of being human is the capacity and desire for intimacy” It is not an intimacy that is met by the presence of another but by the presence of ourselves. We become so deeply aware of who we are that we reflect it in what we do. It is on the “mat” that we are drawn deeper into gently embrace the spiritual tension that we feel.  We want to embrace the tension not in the sense that we approve of it but that we acknowledge it.  We are present with our own situation that we learn from the emotions that those tensions create. We become mindful that the presence of tension promotes within us the inflexibility of being able to give ourselves the space and the grace to just be whom we truly are.   O’Donohue leads us in seeing that the intimate awareness of who we are is the greater angel that comes along to interact with the emotions that insecurity and doubt may create. And this interaction is not an internal session of struggle but acceptance.  Because with acceptance comes understanding. This understanding leads us to know more deeply and safely where we need to redeem the lesser part of who we struggle to be.   Because without this redemption we lose our balance and stability.

Breaking script… Namaste