streams of thought...may 14th, 2014

”In those moments I sometimes catch a glimpse of my true life, a life hidden like the river beneath the ice.” – Parker Palmer from Let Your Life Speak

Have you ever found a writer, a performer, a thinker of all times, or perhaps just another person that makes both your face and soul smile at the same time? 

It may be in the way they live their lives.  It may be in some act of kindness that they have done.  It may be in what they have written.  Or it may be just because they sang something that just reached inside you.

Parker Palmer is one of those individuals for me.  He speaks with such depth and clarity, yet with the simplest of ways.

In moments that I need to re-find my way, I go to some of the writing sources that always seem to inspire me.  Yes, I find refuge in the Jewish Proverbs.  I find meaning in the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh. I revisit my calling in the writings of Parker Palmer and Henri Nouwen.

We just left a winter season of introspection.  That period of time when we can pause to discover how we can live life. 

I think that we take the seasons for granted.  In winter, we move through them mindlessly and always looking for the warmer seasons to come. In the spring, we seem to be thinking about the family “vacations” that need to be planned out.  In the summer, we are outdoors and moving about going from one event to another, all the while making plans for the fall events and holiday seasons. We just do not seem to give the seasons a place where they can guide us in looking at ourselves.   

Hopefully, during this winter season of reflection, we had the opportunity to glimpse through the icy cold exterior of the day to day into a warmed life that flows inside of us.  Just as the trees had shed their leaves… a symbol of their external beauty… its life moved inside of itself to develop a greater strength in the roots, which anchor the tree into the soil of the earth.  We, too, have gone through a season of moving inside of our own souls to take a moment from the busyness of life to develop the roots inside of ourselves to anchor us for the impending seasons. 

Now in the spring season, we move into a period of renewal and rebirth.  Just as we see the flowers and the buds on the trees start to peek their colorful heads from the dark depth of their birthing place of protection, we, too, are moving into a new season of life.

If we have caught a “glimpse of (our) true life” during the season of introspection, we have discovered what path we are designed to travel on. Hopefully, we have looked at our sense of being a little differently than before.  Many times we get caught up into a cultural movement which pushes us into competing more… into earning more… into consuming more… and yet our life, that is uniquely individual, yearns for more than just moving in the same direction as everyone else.  We are reluctant… dare we say… afraid… to step outside of our environment that we live in to be different.  We have learned to live from the outside in and then wonder why we are never satisfied.  Instead, we need to pause long enough not to say how we want to live life but to listen long enough for our life to tell us how we should live it.  We are becoming deaf to the beating of our soul because the noise of the world has been turned up too loudly.

Nature has a way of teaching us so much more on how we should walk in our own present life.  We have become the consumers of the earth more than the caretakers.  A caretaker will do just that…. “take care”.  They will know the dangers and the possibilities in the land and the creatures that reside in the habitat.  It may be possible that we no longer listen to our own inner self because we are just thinking about how we can consume life not care for it.

Parker Palmer writes, “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.”

We all go through a season of what is seemingly lost.  Is it possible that the loss is not really a loss but a lesson?  Is it possible that the lesson is meant to be a positive teaching of how to live and love?  Perhaps the loss is showing us what we truly value and therefore giving us a chance to live those values out in a richer sense.

We see the streams of water… the current is flowing and carrying with it what needs to be taken away… perhaps the only thing the separates us from that Living Water is the icy barrier of being something that we are truly not meant to be.

Breaking script… Namaste

streams of thought....march 21st, 2014

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust

How many times has this happen to each of us?  No matter how many times we look at a situation… or a neighborhood… or a relationship… or a favorite book we will see something that we feel that we have never seen before. 

A patient was sitting on the end of the examining table in a surgeon’s office; where they wondered what is going to happen next.  A few months earlier, they had survived a major surgery that eradicated a cancerous growth.

Now as the patient was sitting in the office, they reflect about the subsequent procedures that they had to go through in the past few months.  The body was slowing and effectively losing weight… denying them of a life that they had known before… while their re-occurring infections had become a way of life.  No one really knows how to move while living a life that is always in question. Their body betraying them over and over.  Yet the surgeon said that there wasn’t a serious infection.  How can this be the patient thinks to themselves?  How can it be that the weekly packing of wounds is nothing more than a minor event?

 

We look at life differently at different stages of our lives.  We come into our adolescence with a reckless abandon.  We are no longer “young children” with limitations. We are now teenagers with developing dreams.  We begin the pilgrimage of discovery.

We get our first job and there is a sense of accomplishments when we receive that first paycheck.  We head out to spend it because now we have freedom to choose what we want to buy because after all it is our money.

We fall in love.  We dream of a life with another person for perhaps the first time. We wonder what life will be like and what kind of home we will have together.  We see them in our thoughts and carry them in our hearts.

We hold our first born.  We wonder if we will be the best parent.  We wonder if people will write books about our parenting skills or maybe we will do parenting seminars on how amazing we were as the mentors and guides in this brand new life.

We lose the first person that we ever felt close to.  We may have lost them through a variety of circumstances.  They may have left because of divorce… or separation… or an illness…. or perhaps even through death.  The pain is too great to carry.

We write our first blog or article. We wonder if anyone will read it. We wonder if anyone will laugh at the humor in it or be provoked to reflect on an inner aspect that had been hidden away.

We get the difficult news that we have cancer.  No one wants to hear the “C” word.  It is almost as if people will look at you with some level of pity; while all the while they are thinking that you are going to die.

Life is about discoveries.  We can sit on our comfy couch and watch Netflix or the Discovery Channel thinking that we are becoming enlighten. Or we can get out of the four walls that we call a home and immerse ourselves into life itself.  Life is more than just walking, sleeping, eating, crapping, pissing, and/or dreaming of something better.  Dreaming without action is nothing more than a fantasy.  It is when we engage and act upon those dreams that it actually becomes life… moments of reality.  

Rollo May writes, “…keep in mind that being is a participle, a verb form implying that someone is in the process…” (1983, p. 97)  Nature by its very own essence is in a state of process.  We celebrate seasons of change because the earth is constantly evolving.  It is when we stop discovering something new is when we are in danger of not living or at least not living in a dynamic way. This is a beautiful life that we have the opportunity to live.  I am reminded that a rabbi once said that we all have a phenomenal gift and it is when we do not exercise that gift will the world become a poorer place.

We will come face to face with chances to learn something new about ourselves, others, or the world in which we live in. We will encounter the uncertainty of the next moment.  It is an inevitable event.  So…

What will we do with it? 

What will we need to do so that we discover more deeply the person that we truly are meant and desire become? 

What is the one thing that we have conveniently ignored?

I pulled my car over the other day and walked around a neighborhood that I had driven through many times.  I soon noticed yards… porches… backyards… people in ways that I had never seen them before.  It was not that the landscape had changed but what changed was my own perspective.  Maybe, like the surgeon, we need to stop looking at the malady with the same perception as we had been looking at it for the past few months or years.  Maybe we need to not get upset with the person who almost ran us over as we crossed the intersection while we were jogging.  Perhaps, we need to stop and try to tell the other person’s story with the emotions and vision that they have about the subject; so, that we can have a better dialogue instead of an argument.

Life is not a static adventure.  It is an organic movement that demands our interaction for us to fully be present.

Breaking script….Namaste  

streams of thought....march 14th, 2014

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” – Rumi

I remember the first time I went to Chautauqua Park in Boulder, Colorado.  At first, I wasn’t sure what Molly, my two year old puppy, and I would find once we got there.  It was a hot summer’s day and the crowded parking lot told me that we were not about to do this hike alone. Molly, ever the one that wanted to run off to see what could be found, was a handful to contain.  The park is a vast playground for dogs and humans alike. As we started off, we soon found that we had a choice of trails to take and I liked the one that seemed to be the less traveled.  Quickly we discovered why it was less travelled. The beginning stretch was long… baking in the sun… and all up hill. Somewhere near the end my four legged friend turned to look at me as she was asking me what was I thinking. All I could do was just keep moving. As we continued on, finding some shade thankfully, I turned around to see a sight that simply made me stop in amazement. It wasn’t just the view of the valley from another perspective but it was the silence of solitude, on this lesser travelled path, that made the difficult effort worth it all.

John O’Donohue, in his book Eternal Echoes, writes,

“When you open your heart to discovery, you will be called to step outside the comfort barriers within which you have fortified your life. You will be called to risk old views and thoughts and to step off the circle of routine and image. This will often bring turbulence.”

Many times we sit in a coffee shop or in the solitude of our homes pondering over what our lives have been like.  Some of us have had amazing lives… we have travelled to faraway lands… we have held in our arms the warmth of a small baby… we have been present when a child has read their very first sentence. Yet, we still search for more.  Maybe it because our souls are used to change and daring to risk the experience of the unknown. There are others of us that look back and wonder what if we had taken a step that seemed out of character because our character has always been used to playing it safely with life. However, I think that our world needs both but we need more.

The great mystic, Rumi, asks us a very poignant question.

“When will we begin that long journey of discovering ourselves?”

This simple question elicits many thoughts and emotions.  It is ok to be fearful in beginning the search for who we are and what we want to do in this gift called life. It is ok to get angry when life seems to be a struggle or even going very well when we get a notice from the doctor with bad news. It is ok to have sweaty palms before you walk down the aisle or to make a life commitment with another person.  

And…

It is ok to smile and to receive the gift of recognition. It is ok to fall in love. It is ok to stop every once in a while to look back at the path that has helped you to see where you have come from and in the process grown as a person. It is ok to feel the exhilaration of daring to go somewhere or to do something that you would have never imagine going to or doing. It is ok to shed a tear of happiness over the joys of life… or to laugh so hard that your sides hurt.

We often times dare not because we are afraid of failing.  However, when we fail to act we fail to discover a part of ourselves that is hidden away in a place that can only be unlocked by the key of risk. Other times we dare not because we want the instant sense of accomplishment. I think that Rumi used the word “long” for a purpose. Many times the effort takes longer than the act itself. How many times have we prepared for a major event then when the event gets here we discover that the moment went faster than we had hoped it would.

Sometimes, we are reluctant to seek out our inner self because we are afraid of change. Change is hard work.  Change is painful and not always enjoyable. If change came easily or without turbulence, then we have to question whether or not it was change.  If we go to the gym and never get sore nor do we ever sweat, we will not see the changes that we truly want. For a cell to grow it must be divided. So, maybe we struggle with growth because we are attached to people that do not want change. Maybe we are addicted to a lifestyle that wraps the metal shackle around our spirit that yearns to be free from a slavery of an unhealthy life.

John O’Donohue continues to write.

“But your soul loves the danger of growth”

As I ascended to the top of a Flatiron, I faced my fear of heights. It was at this point that I had to let go of Molly for the first time and little did I know at that time that facing an even greater fear later the next year I would have to let her go again but for the last time.

Many times we look at life and see the opportunities to change right in front of our “faces”.  We cling to a rock’s stony flesh and fear that we will fall. We walk the precipice’s precarious edge wonder if we can keep our balance.  It is then as we take the next step we discover something new…

What are some of the dreams that we hold on to so tightly that we are afraid to let it go and let them have their freedom to become a reality?  Do we meet the face of those in need and wish we could do more?  Do we know deep within ourselves that we have a gift but we are afraid to unwrap it because of the fear it may get broken while we use it?

We all have the opportunity to live a life that dares us to do more and as Ralph Ellison writes,

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”

Breaking script… Namaste

streams of thought...january 5th, 2014

Ah, the first Sunday of this New Year.
I woke up this morning with the gentle sounds of Tigre, the family cat.  I call her the family cat because she was initially given to Summer, my youngest daughter, as a gift while she was in high school. Well, time passed by and Tigre, or as I call her affectionately "T", has become my cat companion.  She is a beautiful marble mess of colors and although getting quite advanced in age amazingly agile. She is many times my alarm clock because every morning she does the same routine. Around 5 a.m., she crawls up in the bed and meows right next to my head. If the sounds aren't enough to wake me up, she uses her paw gently pushing against my face. (When she first came into our home, she wasn't so gentle.)
Morning times are some of my most favorite times of the day.  It is typically quieter. The sun peeks it regal head over the horizon. The nocturnal beings are moving into their safe places while the day time begins to play with the orchestra of birds, squirrels and rabbits. I have had my moment of spiritual celebration through my meditation.  My physical body has been nourished with food; while my mind has been given some nourishment through my readings.
Either through design or desire, my path has moved into a realm of giving space.  Space to breathe.  Space to encounter. Space to grow. Space is not easy because it means a lot of letting go and struggling.  Letting go of the regrets and pain from the past that we have carried into the present. Letting go of the roles in life that have served no purpose other than to minimize our own value while possibly being responsible for the exaltation of another. Letting go of being the victim or at the very least being the person that others use as an object of blame. Letting go of an illness that in some mysterious way now has become our identity. Our emotional fingers are locked into the fabric of failures of the past while we search for hope. We struggle with wanting to be more than what we may have become. We struggle against the identity that was falsely built in weakness of our past insecurities. We struggle like a new birthed foal trying to use our newly created legs. We wobble and fear that we will fall back into the interaction of a world filled with self-blame and ridicule. But as we learn to take new steps... we will learn to move with fluidity of faith. A faith in who we truly are designed to be. A faith that is fed by a daily interaction with the Divine. A faith in that we are growing into a person that reflects our greater self. A faith that does not give space for self-judgment but allows for self-assessment.
As I begin this annual journey, I am keenly aware of a message that is being "spoken" around me. A message that says that I need to challenge myself because growth is created in the efforts. It tells me that with each movement there is a valuable lesson that is being taught.
Self-criticism comes from not being able to leap over a "canyon of expectations"; while in reality all we really needed to do today is to search for the better path to walk into the "canyon".
This past May, Summer and I had walked in the Bolder Boulder 10k. That was a great event to do with her. The event was a great way restart my physical activities and it became my first step returning to running events.  This past Tuesday night I participated, along with hundreds of other runners/walkers, in the Resolution 5k at Wash Park here in Denver. Since I was encouraged by my daughter to walk my first event, she is much wiser than I was at her age, this was my first running event since I had my cancer surgery in 2012.  I knew that I had previously ran in a number of other events that ranged from 5 k's to half-marathons and I had some expectations.  However, I mostly had reasonable desires.  I desired to run this 5k not worried about what my time was going to be but just run it. I had some disappointments in this short run but more importantly I gave myself space. I allowed the disappointment to flow in and flow out. I smiled at the accomplishment of not just doing well but in that I just did it.
Where does this path lead? I have no idea. It is a path of being mindful in that I know where I have come from, where I am at in the present, and wherever I am going that is where you will find me.
Give yourself space to break script... see you on the trails... Namaste.