streams of thought....may 9th, 2014

A season of another transition is here. 

We have gone through the season of winter, a time of introspection.

We have entered into the season of spring that elicits our sense of rebirth and renewal. 

Soon, we will be going into the heat of summer, a time when we get out and play even past the setting of the sun.

Many of us are aware of the fact that we are going through a chronological transition, as well.  Some of us are going to be spending the last summer time together with a son or a daughter, who will be heading off to college or maybe they are already preparing to go on their first adventure. Many of us are transitioning from one location to another in search of a new life… a new love… a new sense of meaning.

I remember graduation time at my small local high school in Illinois.  It was an intimate affair and of course we had the graduation parties afterwards. Many of us talked about getting into college while others talked about getting jobs. We had dreams of doing something.  I think that if I had the opportunity to ask every one of my classmate what their lives would look like decades later; no one could really imagine how it would look today.  Every one of us had successes and losses.  A number of us have had the challenges of health and the turmoil of ruptured relationships; while hopefully most of us have lived challenging but yet very fulfilling lives

A few days after my graduation, I got into my Buick Century (two door of course) and drove off to a place south of Gallup, New Mexico.  Prior to this time, I had never driven past St. Louis before and even then that was with some friends; however, here I was getting ready to drive to a place where I had never been to before and to be honest was just a dot on a map.  Now, keep in mind this was before cell phones, GPS, and the internet.  So, I literally was driving alone.

After three days, I arrived to the road that was supposed to take me to my destination. I drove past a building that said “Vanderwagen” a number of times before I pulled in; so that I could ask for directions. As I walked into the building, I was mesmerized by all of the First American artifacts and the presence of being near the Zuni and Navajo reservations.  The gentleman behind the counter was very welcoming and asked me what he could do to help me.  So, I told him that I was looking for a camp for Navajo children that I was going to work at for the summer.  I pulled out my letter that told me the name of the town was called Vanderwagen and I wondered if he could give me some directions.  He smiled and said, “Well, you found Vanderwagen.”  I looked at him rather puzzled and asked him what he meant.  I soon discovered that this location that I was standing in was a mailstop and… it was Vanderwagen.  He did give me some additional information as how to get to the camp and I left with mixed emotions. 

As I walked out to my car, I realized that I had one of two options. I could travel down a dirt road and search for the place I was expected to be at for the summer or I could get in my car and drive back to my home. 

I chose to drive down the dirt road.

We all face transitions and opportunities.  If I had not gone to New Mexico, I would have never had the experience of being immersed in my first cultural experience.  It was that experience that eventually led me to the field of social justice and counseling.  If I had not driven down that dirt road, I would have driven away from an experience that has had a lifelong impact in my life. 

Yes, the road was dusty… bumpy… and winding but it was necessary.  I had to go down that road to get to where I learned a lot about myself and others.

We all have opportunities that pull us down a road that is unknown.  It is a sense of a calling or a direct action caused by a passion.  We may resist it or even consider going in another direction altogether. We may even go down the road and get to the destination; however, because it does not appear as we thought it would we may both dismiss it and possibly even miss out on a life changing experience.

 Life is never a clean map.  It all has to do with that thing that we call “tomorrow”.  We have no idea what tomorrow looks like and in the cycle of life we may even become unaware of what is possible. We look at today and miss its engagement because we are so enamored by the possible gift of the next day. We also live in a mindset that is linear.  After accomplishing our goals, we are many times lost because we are looking for the next one. 

We live in a natural world that moves in tides.  I think that this natural state of being is one reason we find the sound of the ocean so peaceful. We lay in the sand or sit on an outgrowth of land while listening to the water come in and the move out. We see the effects of the evening tides on the sandcastles that we make and we give no thought to building another one.  

I have read recently that the better life is one where we are being pulled into it as opposed to being pushed into it.  Having the choice to say “yes” to a calling or a direction gives us a sense of freedom.  However, for us to say “yes” we also had to say “no” to another option. For me to get into my car that day and drive to the camp, I had to say “no” to going back home.

So, we are in a season of change.  We should take the time to know more about ourselves and what truly pulls us.  We will then have the opportunity to grow in a new way.

We all have this season. 

We all have an inner flame that is silently burning within our soul’s threshold.  This inner fire is either going to grow more intensely or… it is about to go out.  A fire needs only a few things but the one thing that it does need to keep going and to grow is air.  So, breathe in the moment.

We need to find a way to not let the light within to go out…

because if we do…

it will be a dark and cold world.   

Streams of thought....april 24th, 2014

“It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.” –   

Christian Nevell Bovee 

It is early in the morning and the aroma of my freshly brewed cup coffee is still filling the air… the sun is beginning to shine through the venetian slats… the warmth of the sun filtering through the window glass is creeping along my desk.  The sounds of the day are awaken as is my own spirit. 

It is a new day.  One that is filled with no deadlines of classes or papers.  Yesterday, I sat in my chair after a moment of mediation and wondered aloud to my cat, Tigre, “what will we do today?”  Her empty glance at me looked as if the words fell into her ears and her look told me all that I expected to hear.  She looked towards me flipping her tail as if to say that it was my issue to deal with and then she looked away. 

We find ourselves many times moving from one busy schedule to another like high flying artist that glide from one high swing to the next.  Our only safety net is the one that we have created in our own minds. We move from one event to another… always… expecting... another… event… to be there for us… to… grasp.

I was wondering a few weeks ago about this issue of “passion”. 

I was in the midst of a therapeutic shift that unbeknownst to me was already in place, much like a hidden treasure in the kitchen cupboards of your grandparent’s home.   This shift that I was going through was like finding a part of me that I had never recognized before and all I could do was smile.  In fact after I had become aware of this shift, I sat with my therapist relating to her my discovery and she gave me that same smile; as if to say, that she was glad that I finally found it too. In the midst of this shift, I came to some important life questions and one of them was about the detection of “meaning”. 

So, I started to ask myself, “What do I feel pulled to?”

 As I moved through this transition from one phase to another, I sat down one morning to do some of my writings and I came across this idea of “passion”.  I began to wonder more about what “passion” looks like and how does it make me feel to have it in a healthy fashion this time. 

See, I had fought for so long against the unhealthiness of my body that I had almost forgot what it is that I am passionate about… other than survival.

It has not been that long ago when I would wake up and the first thing on my mind would be whether or not my body was going to be consumed with an infection.  At that time, my day consisted of trying to get back to a “normal” life while giving myself daily injections of antibiotics through my “pic-line”?  My passion during that time was just to get healthy; so, that I could get back to a normal life… a different life than before… but a normal life.   

Now, I sit here at my desk typing out a few words and not wondering what life will look like but more about how will I act it out. This the life that I have chosen and I find meaning in it.  I had never really expected it to look like this when I was younger. The sounds of wind chimes in the background… the smell of hot dark coffee blending with the warmth of the sunlight on a solitude morning… me with my thoughts playing as the wind chimes in my soul. 

What is passion?  In many ways it is our alarm clock.  It is our sunlight peeking through the venetian blinds of our imagination.  It is the companion when the fears and the successes of life have faded away to only come out again on “special” events.  It pulls us into the direction that our sense of being longs to go in.  Passion is the act of being who we truly are meant to be.  The quote above says much more than we may see at a first glance. Passion is the act of the kiss.  It is the movement of the artist that glides his hands… or her voice… or their feet… that reflect a heart of intimacy in displaying who they are within themselves. And the kiss is not an act of function but of celebration.  However, it is the love or affection that we have for what we are passionate that sanctifies it… or in other words sets it apart from all others.  Sometimes we meet some individuals with the kiss of greeting… a small sign of more than just acknowledgement of handshake. With passion we kiss someone that we know much more intimately. When we know a person with intimacy…someone that we have a deep abiding, almost bubbling, affection for the kiss becomes much more than just an act.  It is a sign of what they mean to us.

Passion is much more than an act of writing a check to an organization.  Passion is much more than saying that we support a group of individuals. A deep affective passion moves us from our slumber and pulls us to an intimate act of setting apart a space of our being so that we can reflect a deeper better part of who we truly are in this movement of time. It is the willingness to be almost consumed with the thought how do I do this well and how does this give me a sense of meaning that soothes my own soul.

We all have a something or someone that we believe in and we believe in it so much that we tell others from time to time.  We all have a sports team or a politician or a band or a movement that we claim as our own.  We wear the caps and t-shirts.  We put the bumper stickers on our cars. We go to rally events so that we can be in a community of supporters. However, do they make us want to get out of bed so we can find a way to engage with them?  Passion will do that. Passion will pull us not push us.  We detect the greater sense of passion and we cannot escape it gravitational yearning for us to engage with it.

 Rebecca West, an English writer, wrote these words,

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.”    

 We wake up every morning with one of two feelings. 

We either wake up with emptiness in our souls that we spend all day trying to fill

Or

We wake up with an immense passion that we cannot wait to act out and share with all that we meet.

 It is the search for and the embracing of our soul’s passion that defines not just who we are but who people remember us to be.

 breaking script….Namaste

 

streams of thought...february 20th, 2014

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Bernice Johnson Reagon.

I am learning an interesting lesson here in Denver. The lesson is this. I should never expect to know what the weather is going to be like within the same day let alone one day to the next. We had beautiful sunny 60 degree weather throughout the day yesterday; however, around 8 pm it started to snow.

Learning the art of never really knowing what to expect seems to fit in all other areas of life, too.

So, let me ask this question. How are our beginning of the year commitments coming along? 

We all know that they were difficult.  For those that have kept up with those commitments, we applaud you for your efforts and successes.

Some of us remember the commitments and realize that we let them go a few weeks ago. 

Some of us are still hanging on to them; however, it has become a battle to keep them going and only do it on a sporadic basis. 

Keeping those commitments is a battle.  If it wasn't a battle, we might be either guilty of setting the "bar" too low or we may be wondering why we didn't do them earlier.

Well, we are near the end of the second month of this New Year.  The feeling of spring is starting to set in with the arrival of March.  Oh, we know that we will still face some winter moments in the next month or two; however, inwardly we know that spring is almost here. The season of natural introspection is about to blossom into the season of new energy. It is during this time of the year that we find a new breath. We get new energy.

Unfortunately, I believe that we miss the spiritual seasonality of life. We get so tired of the cold... and the snow... and the bitter wind. We miss this seasonal opportunity to drawn within so that we can assess who we are becoming.  We get distracted from asking ourselves, “Are we being true to who we are designed to be as a person?” 

No, I don't mean that we ask the question that we seem to ask ourselves often... "Am I working at the right place?"  No, it is deeper than that. 

Do we ask ourselves?

If I have the heart of an artist, am I developing and utilizing those skills that speak from my heart? 

If I have the capability of being a leader, am I giving myself the opportunity leading a class or a project or a movement?

If I am a thinker, am I developing this gift by reading great books or developing ideas that could change the world?

If I am a listener, am I giving the gift of my presence to someone who needs to be heard?

It is in this season of winter that all external signs of nature's life seems to disappear.  The leaves on the trees have fallen.  The flowers are still yet a seed in the soil of the earth. The warm air may briefly appear like it did yesterday but can quickly escape because it lacks something that we create within ourselves... limitations. 

Yes, we create within ourselves the shackles called “limitations”.  Life has been described as a "brief moment of time" or "we are like a vapor". Yet, time has no limitations.  Vapor has no limitations. The wind has no limitations. Who can harness either of those things? So, why do we want to harness our own capabilities with self-imposed limitations?

We create limitations within ourselves.  Erroneously, we impose them on others by saying or doubting their capabilities. 

If we are a business person, we look to see what a new applicant can do to increase our bottom line; instead of thinking outside the box and wondering if the job is the right one for this person. Basically, we place the job above the person.  We wonder if the person is the right one for the job instead of wondering if the job is the right one for the person.

If we are a coach, we have kids who try out for positions. During the course of the try out, we have children trying out for positions that do not fit their capability.  So, we should help them to see the strengths of who they are so that they can develop their value by being the right "player on the team".  

As a parent, we think of how successful we want our children to be without really wondering what defines success for each of them; because it is going to be different with each one.

We are still in a season of dormancy.  We are still hiding our "seasonal leaves".  If the original commitment of the year is still in play then keep on moving towards its completion. If the original commitment of the year has been pushed off to the side, don’t think negatively about not keeping it.  Consider the fact that maybe we just made the wrong commitment and make the right one today.

We are confined by our limitations.  We are defined by being who we truly are meant to be.

 

streams of thought...february 17th, 2014

Who are you? No really… who are you? We ask this about ourselves all the time in every decision we make throughout the day. 

For example, some of us got up this morning and opened up a box of Lucky Charms cereal and poured it into a bowl. Even the bowl tells us who we envision who we are… if we think that we have a big appetite we got the big “Jethro Beau Dean” mixing bowl… if we saw ourselves as needing to cut back on the “magically delicious” crunch of sugar and cereal then we got out a smaller bowl.
Some of us got up and rushed out the door with a couple pieces of toast and shot of coffee… what we have in the coffee tells us even more about who we have accepted about ourselves.

Others might have mindfully got out a banana… some steel rolled oatmeal… juice… and consumed it in a mindful manner after giving thanks and asking for the grace to carry this meal within our body.
Each example tells us more and more about who we think we either are… or want to be… or better yet are on the path to becoming.

We all make simple and complex choices throughout the day that reflect an inner message.
I remember while in the midst of my struggle; I would discover the strength to walk a few blocks. I had no idea what I looked like on the outside but I know what I felt like on the inside. But you know what I remember the most? The smiles of some of those that I walked past.

I have a habit that was created within these past few years where I have developed this practice of looking into the eyes of people when I encounter them. Those glimpses seem to tell me a lot. You can see caution in some. You can find peace in others. There are some that all you can see is pain… or searching… or wonder. Every once in a while, I would make eye contact with someone as I would be walking along and sometimes I would be surprised by … their smile. Now I call them my angels. It was the Divine’s way of telling me that I am noticed and loved. It was His way of telling me that I am going to be ok.

How many of us think that we have made choices well in advance? We, may very well, have made decisions in advanced but scientists have discovered that we are given the option to make “mental choices” every fifteen seconds. It is this repetitive action that leads to a habit or a lifestyle. Our brain actually gets used to the chemical and the electrical impulses from those reactions when we make those choices and that repetitive action leads to a normal state of behavior that is called a “habit”.
We are given a lot of choices to consider and some of those are choices lead us to believe who we are. These choice can happen in the moment of time… a mental blink… every fifteen seconds. Our choice of who believe that we are is going to be reflected in our actions… in our words… in our eyes. If we believe that we are nothing more than someone that gets up and shuffles into the “kitchen” to mentally and emotionally eat “junk food” and believes that is all that we are… we will become “junk food” and that is not magically delicious.

Savor the thought… consume the belief that we are more than our circumstances. We are more than the day to day grind of a job that betrays the true value of who we are. We are more than the medicine or the tubes that we have in or hanging from our body. We are more than the bank account that is either barely over zero or exceeds the millions. We are more than just a whisper of time. We are the creative design of a person who has the ability to overcome all opportunities of life. Our intrinsic value is determined not by what we possess but by the passion that is within our own heart and mind.

Breaking script… Namaste