Streams of thought....april 24th, 2014

“It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.” –   

Christian Nevell Bovee 

It is early in the morning and the aroma of my freshly brewed cup coffee is still filling the air… the sun is beginning to shine through the venetian slats… the warmth of the sun filtering through the window glass is creeping along my desk.  The sounds of the day are awaken as is my own spirit. 

It is a new day.  One that is filled with no deadlines of classes or papers.  Yesterday, I sat in my chair after a moment of mediation and wondered aloud to my cat, Tigre, “what will we do today?”  Her empty glance at me looked as if the words fell into her ears and her look told me all that I expected to hear.  She looked towards me flipping her tail as if to say that it was my issue to deal with and then she looked away. 

We find ourselves many times moving from one busy schedule to another like high flying artist that glide from one high swing to the next.  Our only safety net is the one that we have created in our own minds. We move from one event to another… always… expecting... another… event… to be there for us… to… grasp.

I was wondering a few weeks ago about this issue of “passion”. 

I was in the midst of a therapeutic shift that unbeknownst to me was already in place, much like a hidden treasure in the kitchen cupboards of your grandparent’s home.   This shift that I was going through was like finding a part of me that I had never recognized before and all I could do was smile.  In fact after I had become aware of this shift, I sat with my therapist relating to her my discovery and she gave me that same smile; as if to say, that she was glad that I finally found it too. In the midst of this shift, I came to some important life questions and one of them was about the detection of “meaning”. 

So, I started to ask myself, “What do I feel pulled to?”

 As I moved through this transition from one phase to another, I sat down one morning to do some of my writings and I came across this idea of “passion”.  I began to wonder more about what “passion” looks like and how does it make me feel to have it in a healthy fashion this time. 

See, I had fought for so long against the unhealthiness of my body that I had almost forgot what it is that I am passionate about… other than survival.

It has not been that long ago when I would wake up and the first thing on my mind would be whether or not my body was going to be consumed with an infection.  At that time, my day consisted of trying to get back to a “normal” life while giving myself daily injections of antibiotics through my “pic-line”?  My passion during that time was just to get healthy; so, that I could get back to a normal life… a different life than before… but a normal life.   

Now, I sit here at my desk typing out a few words and not wondering what life will look like but more about how will I act it out. This the life that I have chosen and I find meaning in it.  I had never really expected it to look like this when I was younger. The sounds of wind chimes in the background… the smell of hot dark coffee blending with the warmth of the sunlight on a solitude morning… me with my thoughts playing as the wind chimes in my soul. 

What is passion?  In many ways it is our alarm clock.  It is our sunlight peeking through the venetian blinds of our imagination.  It is the companion when the fears and the successes of life have faded away to only come out again on “special” events.  It pulls us into the direction that our sense of being longs to go in.  Passion is the act of being who we truly are meant to be.  The quote above says much more than we may see at a first glance. Passion is the act of the kiss.  It is the movement of the artist that glides his hands… or her voice… or their feet… that reflect a heart of intimacy in displaying who they are within themselves. And the kiss is not an act of function but of celebration.  However, it is the love or affection that we have for what we are passionate that sanctifies it… or in other words sets it apart from all others.  Sometimes we meet some individuals with the kiss of greeting… a small sign of more than just acknowledgement of handshake. With passion we kiss someone that we know much more intimately. When we know a person with intimacy…someone that we have a deep abiding, almost bubbling, affection for the kiss becomes much more than just an act.  It is a sign of what they mean to us.

Passion is much more than an act of writing a check to an organization.  Passion is much more than saying that we support a group of individuals. A deep affective passion moves us from our slumber and pulls us to an intimate act of setting apart a space of our being so that we can reflect a deeper better part of who we truly are in this movement of time. It is the willingness to be almost consumed with the thought how do I do this well and how does this give me a sense of meaning that soothes my own soul.

We all have a something or someone that we believe in and we believe in it so much that we tell others from time to time.  We all have a sports team or a politician or a band or a movement that we claim as our own.  We wear the caps and t-shirts.  We put the bumper stickers on our cars. We go to rally events so that we can be in a community of supporters. However, do they make us want to get out of bed so we can find a way to engage with them?  Passion will do that. Passion will pull us not push us.  We detect the greater sense of passion and we cannot escape it gravitational yearning for us to engage with it.

 Rebecca West, an English writer, wrote these words,

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.”    

 We wake up every morning with one of two feelings. 

We either wake up with emptiness in our souls that we spend all day trying to fill

Or

We wake up with an immense passion that we cannot wait to act out and share with all that we meet.

 It is the search for and the embracing of our soul’s passion that defines not just who we are but who people remember us to be.

 breaking script….Namaste

 

streams of thought...january 22nd, 2014

“Before anything ever was, it had to be dreamed. Everything had its beginning in possibility.”  -  John O’Donohue (Eternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong)
I believe that there is a place in life for the mystical playground.  A place where we can go to with the hopes and dreams of a young child. Where is that in you?  Can you close your eyes and see it?  Can your spirit feel it? Can your mind go to it?
I remember when I just a little lad, I would swing high on the swings all the while afraid that I would fall backwards and out of the seat… yet for some reason I had no problem launching myself from the front of it. Also, in our school yard, we had this big tree, I have no idea what kind of tree it was but as a child in second grade it was humongous.  A person could sit at the base of it with another friend and have no idea that there was another person on the other side…. if they kept quiet.  We found out who wanted to be “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” that way. It was also a good place to hide, too.
As a child, we had the freedom to believe in anything we wanted to believe in.  To us there was an amazing amount of possibilities. We could dream of being doctors… baseball players… anything was possible.
I had a cousin, Brent, who wanted to be a baseball announcer.  We had these plastic lockers that we would put our baseball cards in and would play with them like they were meant to be played with.  I remember going over to his house to see if he got a new card that I was willing to trade some of my cards for… we were the ”general managers” of our cards.  Brent had this fascinating ability.  He could remember the statistics of every player that he had in his set of cards.  I could barely remember the cards that I had let alone their statistics.
A child has a fascinating ability… one that as adults we sometimes miss the opportunity to use.  A child will unflinchingly dream of who they want to be… what they want to become.  A fireman… a policeman… a sports figure… a doctor… a teacher. They dream of becoming these people because they inwardly see value in becoming them.  If we were to ask a young child if they wanted something that was contrary to what they valued, they would look at us and respond back saying, ”Why would I want to do that?”
So, when was the last time we believed in possibilities? We have within us a gift.  A gift to dream.  A gift to make possible the impossible. We wake up every day with the freedom to say that we want better.  How many times have we wanted to know and to be who we are meant to be? Yet, we dismiss that thought as being ridiculous.
We all have the cellular capacity to act upon what we see as being valuable. Sadly if we haven’t responded to that calling within to become, we are not just losing an opportunity but we are losing ourselves.
“Before anything ever was, it had to be dreamed.” 
What do we dream?  I think that we dream too little but we want to accomplish much.  I smile at this concept because it is the same thing as saying I don’t know where I am going; so, I will just walk around in a circle because at the end of the day I can say I did something.
What is the purpose of living without dreaming?
What is the purpose of painting without having a vision within our spirit to guide us in at least starting?
To act upon a dream does not mean that the dream is going to be completed as it started out but it is more akin to the beginning stroke of an artist with an open heart to whatever the artistic piece will eventually look like. To give ourselves to a destiny, we need to dream of what that destiny will look like and let it unfold every day.
I say “Dream! Dream with all that you have within you!” Go find the child within that wants to explore and play in the playground of your spirit and while that child plays they will tell stories to your mind of magical things. Magical because that is the only way that as an adult we could ever imagine these dreams to coming true.  Dare your child to risk… risk peddling hard and fast so it stays up their bike Give the child within you to freedom to laugh… to see the joy of life once again.
We all know what that child looks like.  Mine? He is a round belly, curly headed, big brown eyed little boy. His eyes sparkles when he knows that I am aware of him… and when I am not he just plays all alone.
We all want to do something… so dream of it being bigger than we could ever imagine. Let’s allow our imagination the possibility of finding colors and paths that have been hidden away. Don’t worry about what others will think; let them find their own inner child.
And by the way… when you find that inner child… give them a hug… they have missed you.
See you on the playground…  breaking script… Namaste

streams of thought...january 21st, 2014

Into the wind he leans. Feeling the imperceptible, he is held in its arms… this magic of nature cradling his body to avoid his fate of nature… for without the wind he would surely fall.
I remember the first time I saw the Grand Canyon. Its sheer beauty was mystifying. Honestly, it looked like a painting.  Something that we should be able to reach our hand out to… and touch it.  To feel its texture and to curve our fingertips around the three dimensional curves and crevices. The mixture or softness and yet knowing it is stone. The vast array of colors… purples, reds, greens, beiges… But it isn’t a painting done by man…it is a real place that entices a person.  It entices us to explore. It bids us to walk into its depth but we can tell it is a long trek… and there are a few that do. The sheer beauty of its mystery calls us to explore it in our minds. We begin to wonder about its development.  How did such creative beauty take place? Some of us are content with just playing at the top of the rims. Some of us plan out camping trips…or riding down the river deep below us… some run the trail rim to rim to rim. It is a place that captures us and like the temptress that it is bids us back to enjoy its beauty.
I also remember the first time I drove to the Grand Canyon. I was driving outside from Flagstaff, Az.  I was enjoying the scenery… this was long before the distractions of cell phones, tablets, and XM-radio. The distant mountain peaks were amazing… I love the scenery of that area… I could have stayed for days just mentally and physically soaking in the beauty of this place.  However, my destination was a place called the Grand Canyon. I wondered when I would get there.  It seemed out of place in my mind at the time. I thought surely I must have been traveling in the wrong direction until…. I saw a line of cars. I smile in my heart as I remember thinking to myself… “really?  this is it?”  The big archway made of timber silently in bold letters welcomed us to the place that holds mystery. The anticipation was palpable. I almost turned into the first parking area that I saw but thankfully I waited.  I was able to rest my car near the main lodge. I remember the big common area as I walked in…so majestic… I thought to myself if the walls could talk they would grow old just from the length of all its own stories.
Then I walked outside to the rim…
It is amazing how we look into our own life. We see the present but yet don’t really live in it.  We see the future for what we want it to be yet we miss the beauty of what it could be. There are stories in the present that we are not attuned to hearing. We miss the sounds of a person’s heartbeat because we are so enamored with the shallowness of the trinket.  Have you been in a room that holds the trinkets from a carnival or a bowling alley toy machine… Yes, they hold memories of times past but it just seems cheap. Yes, we need shallow moments to rest from the deep but to stay in the shallow end never strengthens us. We spiritually, physically and mentally need both, the shallow and the deep.
So, we walk to the edge of the “rim” and instead of looking into the beauty of what life can be… and is meant to be… we focus at the ”currant bush” that we find along the path.
What if we merely glanced at the canyon and said “wow that is beautiful” then just walked away. What if we heard of friend that drove to the Grand Canyon and they never really saw it, we would wonder what they were thinking.
We live in a distracted world. We are a distracted people. We wander around the “high desert plains” and miss the beauty of a life that is just right next to us. Oh, there is a beauty of the “high desert plains”… please don’t think that I am saying there isn’t. It is just that we miss the beauty of another part of who are or at least are meant to be.
So, dream as big your heart can hold but remember that our hearts has depth that we cannot even imagine. Move in this present moment willing to accept the different emotions that are brought into our lives through all sorts of experiences. We will find inner depth and beauty while on our mats in a yoga class… and we can also find it in our cars parked out in a traffic jam on the interstate… it is a matter of where we take ourselves in this journey called life. Allow the emotions to become a fluid teacher; they are never meant to be held but only to be touched.
It is now just past sunrise… let the light of this day bring to us a sense of awareness. Lean into the moment and let the Mystery of it all hold us up in their invisible arms.
Breaking script…Namaste