streams of thought.... march 29th, 2015

Thoughts on this Sunday. 

They say that “silence is golden”. 

We are also told “never say never”.

We are told that we are limited by the size of our dreams; therefore, dream huge colorful dreams.

I say that sometimes silence is not golden at all. That there are times when we have to express meaningful and thoughtful words that may challenge the emotive balance of another person or group of individuals.  I think there are times that saying “never” is exactly what needs to be said.  I believe that there are some actions, policies, and thoughts that need to be challenged.  However, yes, I would agree that we are limited by the dreams that we hold or believe inside.

Recently, we have seen events that have rippled through the internet in a matter of seconds.  With these events, we have been openly questioned as to what we believe and who do we protect as a society.  This was not the first time, nor will it be the last, that “man” has been presented with the opportunity to defend and speak out for the well-being of another. In the 1930’s, Germany had a community of evil chose one segment of society at a time.  They chose them not to exalt but to exterminate.  In the 1800’s, America had a community of evil that held societal and political power late into the 60’s and 70’s (some would even say to this day) that declared that race was a determining factor of not just how to live but whether or not you lived. In the other countries, such as India, Afghanistan, and Iran, a person’s sexual identity controls their destiny of safety and progression in life even to this day. 

It is not a matter of whether we openly accept a person for how they naturally live out their lives.  Honestly, it comes down to whether or not we respect and value the freedom to choose to live an authentic life.  Sadly, in the 50’s some people would have defended the denial of a Negro eating at the counter in a Woolworth’s store.  Thankfully, there were some that stood up and said that this denial was not just a denial of one group of people but the denial of all.

Today some have said it is within the legal right of a company or a business owner to not serve a gay or lesbian person.  I have a question.  Which side would you have stood with in Germany during the 30’s?  Would you have said that society should not protect the rights of a gypsy or a minority, or a mentally handicapped person or a gay or a Jew?

Discrimination is discrimination no matter the time or the place or the person. We all have to ask ourselves these questions: what are we afraid of? Are we afraid of the color of a person’s skin?  Are we afraid of the clothes that a person may wear? Are we afraid of not the sexual choice of another person but the fact that they are attracted to the same sexual person? Are we afraid of someone that thinks differently than we do? Are we afraid of someone that worships differently than we do? Are we afraid or just uncomfortable?

Many of those that have spoken out in favor of a recent legal decision, which will lead to discrimination, have used their faith beliefs as an argument against the rights of another person. Some are using their beliefs as a mallet beating down the rights of another person.  In that person’s defense, they say that they have rights too and yes they do; however, do those rights supersede the rights of another person?  To be honest, those that oppose just want conformity. They want a society that adheres to their standards of “choice”… oddly enough it sounds like another modern religious group that we find appalling in actions as well.

Now, before someone says that this in defense of one demographic group, these thoughts presented here are the same for the Arab, the Jew, the mentally handicapped, the rich, the poor, the Protestant, the Catholic, the Muslim, the gay, and the straight.  This belief of defending the rights of others is for the young and the old, male or female, the Hispanic and the Asian, or for anyone who does not feel like they are a part of any societal community.

So, I ask myself this as much as I am asking you… Do my actions promote discrimination? Am I promoting dividedness in my silence? Do my actions defend the rights of others? Am I living life based on my interpretation or is it based on the loving actions of Christ? Just as He welcomed others, am I doing the same?    

 

steams of thought...august 31st, 2014

This year we have had a relatively pleasant summer.  It has been a nice blend of intense heat along with what was seemingly a much wetter season than we are accustomed to having in this high plains desert city.  Well, that’s been my perception.

Perception... the act of perceiving.  Ah, there is that word... "act".  Everyone knows that I love looking at words (and it drives a lot people crazy when I do). Yet, when I think of “act”, I am instantly thinking of a person in movement that displays on some level their sense of identity.

And if I am correct then I have some questions for each of us…

Have our perceptions changed over time?  Have we lived a life that challenges those previous perceptions that we may have held... no carried... and guided us from the distant past?

I dare to say that if our perceptions that we had twenty years.... perhaps maybe even twenty months... yes, even twenty days ago have not changed or fluidly adapted then we have not truly lived life.  Think about this for a moment. If we have not grown emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually then we have become nothing more than a “garden gnome” in life. We will have sat or stood in "life's yard" watching cars... people... pets... rabbits and squirrels go by without a mere reflection or awareness of what is all around us.

Do you know who you are?  Do you know what you have become or have the ability to become? Do you have a dream so vivid that you can feel the emotions within you rise up when you see the life that you desire?

What are you passionate about?

Some of us are thinking about the “end of life” issues; while others are thinking about living a life.

While being aware of the former, I prefer the latter. Also, I deeply believe that we live, feel, and think in tune with the seasons of time.

This is the season of summer, a time of action, and it doesn’t feel conducive to deep reflection. No, this is the time of year that we go to the parks or take a vacation or have family reunions.  It is the season for bombastic celebrations. When like the "Fourth of July" fireworks, we seemingly just want to announce to the world.... HEY, I AM HERE!!!!!!!

This is a season when we externally search for something new; even if we go to the same beach house or camp site, we celebrate the moments when we discover a "jewel".

The season of summer... a time when we celebrate life and a time when death seems to have been suspended. Sure, we will grief over the losses that we had this summer when the leaves start to fall and we begin to move back inside ourselves to look a bit longer into the mirror.

Seasons. Movement of time. Life is all about cycles.

So again I ask…

What is that you dream about?  Is it playing on the beaches of the world?  Is it to hold your grandchild until they fall asleep in your arms? Have you ever dreamt about living at peace in your community? Have you dreamt of waking up next to someone that you are passionately connected with so much that you think more about how their soul feels than you do about having sex with them? Have you ever dreamt of climbing a mountain peak? Have you dreamt about writing a book or a song? Have you dreamt about the deeper reward of finishing a marathon, triathlon, or maybe even running around the block?

Here is my next question… when will you do them? Does your mental apparitions reflect your values? If they bring you peaceful contentment and celebration for your “inner greater angel”, then just simply make them reality.

Dreams are for those that sleep.  Let your "inner sense of being" awake and let your mind, spirit, and body transition as one fluid movement.

We are greater than the soulful slumber that has visions.  Yes, I will say this because I know that we all are thinking it… we are limited.  I get it.

I remember when Carlos, my CNA, came into my room and told me that I was going to take my first walk and it was to a chair in the room. I remember the day that I could not even walk around the block without having to stop at every corner to rest and catch my breath. I remember the day that the doctors finally said that I could go for a jog not a walk. I remember telling myself on my first day of jogging that I would "jog a block / walk a block". I remember.... yet, I am here.

We allow our perceived limitations to become bigger than the vision that we see for ourselves. Guess what.  Those limitations are nothing more than exercises for our soul. When we overcome one then we feel empowered to take on the next. We will not accomplish "greatness" with one step but we become better with each step that we take to accomplish the greatest challenge of all.  That challenge is to live a life in the most meaningful way that reflects the truest spirit of who we can become.

Our life is present whether we are or not.

Streams of thought....april 24th, 2014

“It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.” –   

Christian Nevell Bovee 

It is early in the morning and the aroma of my freshly brewed cup coffee is still filling the air… the sun is beginning to shine through the venetian slats… the warmth of the sun filtering through the window glass is creeping along my desk.  The sounds of the day are awaken as is my own spirit. 

It is a new day.  One that is filled with no deadlines of classes or papers.  Yesterday, I sat in my chair after a moment of mediation and wondered aloud to my cat, Tigre, “what will we do today?”  Her empty glance at me looked as if the words fell into her ears and her look told me all that I expected to hear.  She looked towards me flipping her tail as if to say that it was my issue to deal with and then she looked away. 

We find ourselves many times moving from one busy schedule to another like high flying artist that glide from one high swing to the next.  Our only safety net is the one that we have created in our own minds. We move from one event to another… always… expecting... another… event… to be there for us… to… grasp.

I was wondering a few weeks ago about this issue of “passion”. 

I was in the midst of a therapeutic shift that unbeknownst to me was already in place, much like a hidden treasure in the kitchen cupboards of your grandparent’s home.   This shift that I was going through was like finding a part of me that I had never recognized before and all I could do was smile.  In fact after I had become aware of this shift, I sat with my therapist relating to her my discovery and she gave me that same smile; as if to say, that she was glad that I finally found it too. In the midst of this shift, I came to some important life questions and one of them was about the detection of “meaning”. 

So, I started to ask myself, “What do I feel pulled to?”

 As I moved through this transition from one phase to another, I sat down one morning to do some of my writings and I came across this idea of “passion”.  I began to wonder more about what “passion” looks like and how does it make me feel to have it in a healthy fashion this time. 

See, I had fought for so long against the unhealthiness of my body that I had almost forgot what it is that I am passionate about… other than survival.

It has not been that long ago when I would wake up and the first thing on my mind would be whether or not my body was going to be consumed with an infection.  At that time, my day consisted of trying to get back to a “normal” life while giving myself daily injections of antibiotics through my “pic-line”?  My passion during that time was just to get healthy; so, that I could get back to a normal life… a different life than before… but a normal life.   

Now, I sit here at my desk typing out a few words and not wondering what life will look like but more about how will I act it out. This the life that I have chosen and I find meaning in it.  I had never really expected it to look like this when I was younger. The sounds of wind chimes in the background… the smell of hot dark coffee blending with the warmth of the sunlight on a solitude morning… me with my thoughts playing as the wind chimes in my soul. 

What is passion?  In many ways it is our alarm clock.  It is our sunlight peeking through the venetian blinds of our imagination.  It is the companion when the fears and the successes of life have faded away to only come out again on “special” events.  It pulls us into the direction that our sense of being longs to go in.  Passion is the act of being who we truly are meant to be.  The quote above says much more than we may see at a first glance. Passion is the act of the kiss.  It is the movement of the artist that glides his hands… or her voice… or their feet… that reflect a heart of intimacy in displaying who they are within themselves. And the kiss is not an act of function but of celebration.  However, it is the love or affection that we have for what we are passionate that sanctifies it… or in other words sets it apart from all others.  Sometimes we meet some individuals with the kiss of greeting… a small sign of more than just acknowledgement of handshake. With passion we kiss someone that we know much more intimately. When we know a person with intimacy…someone that we have a deep abiding, almost bubbling, affection for the kiss becomes much more than just an act.  It is a sign of what they mean to us.

Passion is much more than an act of writing a check to an organization.  Passion is much more than saying that we support a group of individuals. A deep affective passion moves us from our slumber and pulls us to an intimate act of setting apart a space of our being so that we can reflect a deeper better part of who we truly are in this movement of time. It is the willingness to be almost consumed with the thought how do I do this well and how does this give me a sense of meaning that soothes my own soul.

We all have a something or someone that we believe in and we believe in it so much that we tell others from time to time.  We all have a sports team or a politician or a band or a movement that we claim as our own.  We wear the caps and t-shirts.  We put the bumper stickers on our cars. We go to rally events so that we can be in a community of supporters. However, do they make us want to get out of bed so we can find a way to engage with them?  Passion will do that. Passion will pull us not push us.  We detect the greater sense of passion and we cannot escape it gravitational yearning for us to engage with it.

 Rebecca West, an English writer, wrote these words,

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.”    

 We wake up every morning with one of two feelings. 

We either wake up with emptiness in our souls that we spend all day trying to fill

Or

We wake up with an immense passion that we cannot wait to act out and share with all that we meet.

 It is the search for and the embracing of our soul’s passion that defines not just who we are but who people remember us to be.

 breaking script….Namaste

 

streams of thought....february 4th, 2014

“Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.”  – Irish Proverb
It is another cold and overcast morning.  A beautifully typical morning for winter time.  There are a few people scattered around the coffeehouse this morning.  A few early students who are either working on projects or possibly getting in that last minute mind expansion of information for an exam that will come and go.  Quickly the exam will be forgotten along with the information that memorized for it.  The information that we so diligently studied will fade away along with the short term promise that we will never wait until the last minute again.  It is a dance that we all do at times. We know that there is a project, an exam to prepare for, and a race to prepare for or possibly…. the next chapter of our life that we are wanting to write but our mind is not willing to find the words or action to start it.

There are a few of us in this room that have asked this question to ourselves… “What is that I really want to do?”

There will always be the response of…
I want to head to the slopes to go snowboarding/skiing…. I want to go somewhere where it is warm and the beach is right outside my door… I want to find love, again… I want to spend more time with my family…. I want to…. um, I am not sure. Can I have a moment to think about it?

We have desires.  We have expectations. They are all a part of being alive. Do we ever sit down for an extended period of time and not think about something that we want to do?  It may even be as mundane as paying the bills. It might be at adventurous as exploring a place like Machu Picchu.  It may be as relaxing as finally reading that book that we have thought about for months and never had the time nor the quietness to do it.

We all have an inner need to move.  We would like for it to be a forward progression.

What stops us?

Is it that we feel like we are too old… or too young? Do we feel like we are not ready to take that “next step”?

What is it?

Is it that we look at our lives and say that there are too many obligations already? Do we look at our physical capabilities and wonder how we will finally be able to have enough strength to breathe let alone move? Do we look in the mirror and all we see is a person that has unfulfilled dreams?  While we are looking in the mirror are we looking at the greatest enemy of them all… ourselves?
Why is that we long for and we dream of moving; yet we are emotionally paralyzed.  We see all that is moving around us and yet inwardly our wish to move is met with a “body” that simply… can’t…. move.

What is going to make the difference?  Enough of a difference that we are able to move a finger… to slide our foot forward… to breathe in the air of possibility so that our spiritual lungs are filled with the oxygen of opportunities. What will have to happen so that our inner spirit breaks down the walls of self-defiance?

It might be that we need to look at ourselves in a way that we never thought was possible.  We have to stop just seeing others moving and see ourselves doing the same. We have to have a faith that comes not just from hearing you can do it but a faith that is built in the belief that you will do it. We have to have a foundational shift within ourselves that no longer says I can’t… I am not… I wish I was…. to an inner voice that says I am even though I have no idea where this wave is taking me. We have to place ourselves in an internal state of peace that says that no matter what happens… I have moved. A place that is decorated not with dreariness of dreams never acted upon but a vibrant room that is filled with the spirit that says you are valuable enough to change.

What if the present moment does not match up with the initial plan? Guess what… they never do. A tree that is growing will never look like it did when it was a sapling.  A stream bed is slowly but constantly changing.  So, why do we think that our dreams will be the same as they were when we started? We seem to get either discouraged with or defeated by what is a simple law of nature.  We begin to see that the life plan that we had six months ago doesn’t look exactly like we imagined. The relationships that we were in have either deepen or are a part of our memory. This is the way of life.

The Irish proverb says, “Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.”  It doesn’t say that our hearts bring us where our feet are… but our heart will tell us if we are where we truly want to be. It is in the act of being that we find out where our passion and love of life is honestly residing. And this act of moving does not always mean that we will have a straight path… a path that is flat…. or doesn’t seem to go backwards at times. We will begin the hike…. a trail that may seem arduous at times… we may encounter an illness or a loss or some other kind of significant change. We will see a field of boulders that we need to cross over and wonder if they will shift and take us down the mountainside. We will also find a shady respite from the heat of the moment.  A place that we can hide away but yet still move in.  If we are present enough on this journey, we will see little columbine flower like moments of beauty. A flower growing where it would seem impossible to grow roots but yet…. there it is. A symbol that life has some small moments that will remind of the reason that we are alive… to see the beauty in the midst of the journey.

When we think about where our heart is maybe an even better question is this.  Is our dreams an illusion or are they the beginning of a life that simply… breaks script.

See you on the trails…
Breaking script…. Namaste.