streams of thought....may 9th, 2014

A season of another transition is here. 

We have gone through the season of winter, a time of introspection.

We have entered into the season of spring that elicits our sense of rebirth and renewal. 

Soon, we will be going into the heat of summer, a time when we get out and play even past the setting of the sun.

Many of us are aware of the fact that we are going through a chronological transition, as well.  Some of us are going to be spending the last summer time together with a son or a daughter, who will be heading off to college or maybe they are already preparing to go on their first adventure. Many of us are transitioning from one location to another in search of a new life… a new love… a new sense of meaning.

I remember graduation time at my small local high school in Illinois.  It was an intimate affair and of course we had the graduation parties afterwards. Many of us talked about getting into college while others talked about getting jobs. We had dreams of doing something.  I think that if I had the opportunity to ask every one of my classmate what their lives would look like decades later; no one could really imagine how it would look today.  Every one of us had successes and losses.  A number of us have had the challenges of health and the turmoil of ruptured relationships; while hopefully most of us have lived challenging but yet very fulfilling lives

A few days after my graduation, I got into my Buick Century (two door of course) and drove off to a place south of Gallup, New Mexico.  Prior to this time, I had never driven past St. Louis before and even then that was with some friends; however, here I was getting ready to drive to a place where I had never been to before and to be honest was just a dot on a map.  Now, keep in mind this was before cell phones, GPS, and the internet.  So, I literally was driving alone.

After three days, I arrived to the road that was supposed to take me to my destination. I drove past a building that said “Vanderwagen” a number of times before I pulled in; so that I could ask for directions. As I walked into the building, I was mesmerized by all of the First American artifacts and the presence of being near the Zuni and Navajo reservations.  The gentleman behind the counter was very welcoming and asked me what he could do to help me.  So, I told him that I was looking for a camp for Navajo children that I was going to work at for the summer.  I pulled out my letter that told me the name of the town was called Vanderwagen and I wondered if he could give me some directions.  He smiled and said, “Well, you found Vanderwagen.”  I looked at him rather puzzled and asked him what he meant.  I soon discovered that this location that I was standing in was a mailstop and… it was Vanderwagen.  He did give me some additional information as how to get to the camp and I left with mixed emotions. 

As I walked out to my car, I realized that I had one of two options. I could travel down a dirt road and search for the place I was expected to be at for the summer or I could get in my car and drive back to my home. 

I chose to drive down the dirt road.

We all face transitions and opportunities.  If I had not gone to New Mexico, I would have never had the experience of being immersed in my first cultural experience.  It was that experience that eventually led me to the field of social justice and counseling.  If I had not driven down that dirt road, I would have driven away from an experience that has had a lifelong impact in my life. 

Yes, the road was dusty… bumpy… and winding but it was necessary.  I had to go down that road to get to where I learned a lot about myself and others.

We all have opportunities that pull us down a road that is unknown.  It is a sense of a calling or a direct action caused by a passion.  We may resist it or even consider going in another direction altogether. We may even go down the road and get to the destination; however, because it does not appear as we thought it would we may both dismiss it and possibly even miss out on a life changing experience.

 Life is never a clean map.  It all has to do with that thing that we call “tomorrow”.  We have no idea what tomorrow looks like and in the cycle of life we may even become unaware of what is possible. We look at today and miss its engagement because we are so enamored by the possible gift of the next day. We also live in a mindset that is linear.  After accomplishing our goals, we are many times lost because we are looking for the next one. 

We live in a natural world that moves in tides.  I think that this natural state of being is one reason we find the sound of the ocean so peaceful. We lay in the sand or sit on an outgrowth of land while listening to the water come in and the move out. We see the effects of the evening tides on the sandcastles that we make and we give no thought to building another one.  

I have read recently that the better life is one where we are being pulled into it as opposed to being pushed into it.  Having the choice to say “yes” to a calling or a direction gives us a sense of freedom.  However, for us to say “yes” we also had to say “no” to another option. For me to get into my car that day and drive to the camp, I had to say “no” to going back home.

So, we are in a season of change.  We should take the time to know more about ourselves and what truly pulls us.  We will then have the opportunity to grow in a new way.

We all have this season. 

We all have an inner flame that is silently burning within our soul’s threshold.  This inner fire is either going to grow more intensely or… it is about to go out.  A fire needs only a few things but the one thing that it does need to keep going and to grow is air.  So, breathe in the moment.

We need to find a way to not let the light within to go out…

because if we do…

it will be a dark and cold world.   

streams of thought...january 17th, 2014

It is a truly an amazing thing… here I am sitting in my home… Tigre curled up in a ball next to my desk… having my morning coffee and what do I hear?  A train.
Now, I live in the beautiful Washington Park area, which is a nice quiet kind of neighborhood.  We have more joggers and dog walkers than we do cars… ok maybe I exaggerate just a little but seriously our little neighborhood is nicely tucked away in Denver. So, I smile when I hear that sound moving into my home… into my room… into my previously and soon to be once again a quiet place.
I smile not just because it is so quiet that I can hear the distant moan of a train’s horn but I smile because I simply enjoy trains. A tad old fashioned, I know. It is actually quite…dare I say romantic?
Another thought that comes to mind, when I think of trains, is the idea of transition. After all, one of the greatest unification tools used to bring this amazing country into being was the advent of the coast to coast rail system.  I know that currently we see trains with a mixed sense of emotions. Some would say that they are too slow. Some would say that they do not serve our population very well.
Others might point to the fact that they are truly an escape mechanism… and in that regards they will cause us to slow down.
For me to travel to my other favorite city of Seattle, it would take me two days on a train; while, if I traveled by plane I could arrive there in a matter of hours. Here is the difference…I would miss the most beautiful part of getting there.  I would miss the transition of coming from the arid eastern slope of Colorado, a mixture of plains and mountains, to the more lush green scenery of the beautiful Northwest.
Transitions. An interesting word because to me it is a mixture of two words… transfer + positions. We simply are moving from one place to another. Some desire and dare I even say yearn for transitions to take place.
Politically, many individuals want it all the time.
Emotionally, it does happens to us all the time. We can be euphoric over a relationship, career, house, possessions, and many other aspects.  However, in a moment’s time we can feel a sense of disappointment that a relationship was not what we thought… a career ended up being a dead end…possessions become used and antiquated.
Physically, we will typically look for it at least twice a year. At the beginning of the year and when it is time to get out the bathing suits.
Spiritually, we want it or experience it when something deeply impactful happens. An illness. A life threatening event. A journey on to our “mat”. A natural disaster. A major national event that moves us so deeply that we act to show concern. The birth of a child.
We all live in and want transition until…it requires a deeper movement. We lose a job and the only one that seems to be available is hundreds or thousands of miles away. We lived a life that was not truly authentic with who we are and then we are met with the stark reality that we need to make a change before we have lived a life that was not only dishonest but one that robbed us of our true self.
We look at transition as some mysterious act of life when in reality we do it all the time. Fluidly, we move through the day making adjustments to our schedules and to our day without hardly a second thought. Those are the simple transitions that we see at that moment as being necessary. Yet, we are reluctant to make the bigger transitions.  Some of us have worked almost all our lives at jobs that were not careers. We have chased job after job, all in search of a better one, when all it really came down to is that really we were searching for ourselves. We have looked for companionship and instead of waiting we launch into relationships after relationships…then it happens…we realize that the companionship that we needed first was actually within ourselves.
Trains and transitions. They both take time. The life of expediency many times is unsatisfying. Once something happens quickly, we start looking for something else to happen. We get uncomfortable with moments of development.
I remember the day that I was told by my doctors that I was healthy… a time period that saw five surgical procedures performed…and I remember sitting in my car by Cheesman Park…it came like a whisper…I am going to be ok.  There have been other struggles since then but to inwardly accept the transition that was confirmed by the doctors took time.
No longer do I hear the train. It is probably down the tracks a few miles by now. My coffee cup is now empty and “T” has moved to another location in the room.
We have no way of knowing what is on the other side of the “mountain crest” that we are travelling; however, to stop now means that we will never know.
I want so much to say something that will not just motivate you but will inspire you to simply take one step… that is what transition is…taking one step at a time. However, many times transitions unlike the train moves in silence.
Breaking script…Namaste