streams of thought...january 25th, 2014

"It is not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It is because we dare not venture that they are difficult" - Seneca (1st Century)

I think that we need a break. A moment of time where we allow time to move while we pause. Perhaps we need to walk into a field or to find a chair in our home and close our outward vision of all that is going on around us. This world of ours is a lot to take in don't you think?

Then.....

We need to open our eyes and hearts to the possibilities.

Someone asked me recently about this new mantra of mine. Just in case someone has missed it or perhaps we have just started to walk this journey together; I made this year my year of "Breaking Script".  It is actually a title of a talk that Rabbi Sharon Brous gave this past September.  My ears are open to all truths and she is one of my favorite people to hear truth from.

"Breaking Script" simply means that the role that I had been playing is no longer the role I accept or want to continue have a part in.

When we stop to think about the role we play, let’s ask some questions. 

How many relationships are we in that are unhealthy and undermined our own sense of value?  It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is; because anytime we interact with another person or group it is relationship. Sadly, we might even be doing this to ourselves.

How many of us are in dream state where we wish we could fully utilize our skills but we seem invisible at the place where we work?

How many are in family relationships that have placed us in the role of being a rescuer...a victim...a locus of blame...an enabler?

How many classes have we sat in where we are nothing more than a student id number?

How many of us have walked into a gym where we simply feel uncomfortable?

How many of us have sat in our homes wishing that we had a sense of connection with others so we become addicted to social media?

Relationships are delicate balances. So is life. They can bring us utter and unimaginable joy... a sense of acceptance that is not just physical but goes much deeper than that. They can, also, bring us pain... a state of being where you just can't move. I think we all have experienced both joy and pain to this degree.

We look back at not just what was but we think about what we truly hoped that it would have been. We have a struggle that leads us to wanting more but we stopped to think about what we have to do to make it different?  

We have to risk living a life that is not filled with "what if's" and "should I's".  Let’s find out what inspires us to have a role that gives us a sense of value and space.  If we are really wanting to live a life that allows us to breathe deeply, we will realize that it is not perfection that what we should strive for but it is a sense of inner strength of moving in life knowing that you are being present and authentic. This effort to discover who we are is the place to begin and from this beginning place we should not settle for the lesser of who we are but to chase... to grab on to... and to embrace the greater part of who we are meant to be. We need to stop being the lesser of who we are because how we present ourselves is how others will accept us.

In my effort of breaking script from my previous illness, the other day I was running and I was thinking about a lot of different things, as I always seem to do. I thought about those that are still suffering from illnesses that have turned their lives upside down. I thought about a friend who recently lost a deeply loved one. I thought about what I can do to make my project to Nicaragua the best it can be... I thought of the people that are suffering from abuse, disease, and mental disorders.

An idea came to mind...

For us to be a light we need to go into the darkness. For us to share love we have to confront hatred. For us to give hope we have to be willing to pick up those who are empty of all hope.

In other words, breaking script for me means that I have to risk. I have to step outside the normal course of life and to risk being authentic. I know the script that I have been playing for too long and that is a role that I am no longer willing to be a part of. What does "taking a risk" mean for you? I have no idea; however, you do.

We need to be bold in our lives. We need to live with a lion's heart.

We always be pushed into roles that emphasize a lesser filled life, it is simply a struggle that we will always encounter. We need to remember… we deserve to live a life that displays our greater and true self.  

breaking script....Namaste

streams of thought...january 16th, 2014

There are times that I am not sure where to begin.
I remember this time as a teenager when I was leading a group of other teenagers through the woods near the farmhouse that I grew up in. There is no other way of saying this other than this… we were lost. I was too ashamed to admit it at the time but I had no clue as to where we were or the direction we were going.  You see, I had played in these woods so many times but at night it looked so different. The creek beds were going in directions that I did not recognize. It was so cold and pitch black. The group of laughing teenagers grew into a worried confused group of wandering kids.
As I think about it, rarely do I ever get lost in the daytime. There is something about the daytime that allows us to get our internal compass straight.
This is not easy to say but there are times that inwardly the light gets dim and darkens.  It is like the dusk of emotions settles into the moonless night of darkness. The shadow of the day lengthens until the shadow is all that there seems to be. It takes a moment to adjust our vision as we walk into each room of thoughts. Sometimes the first inclination is to find a light switch… and like a stumbling person in the middle of the night we grasp and grope along the wall to find it. But as we do we realize that our eyes are getting more accustomed to the new darkness. For myself, there are other times when I just sit in the darkness… in my chair… listening to the music that I always have on at a low volume… always and everyday… the music is playing. I will sit in my chair as I settle into this moment of darkness. As I do, I allow my mind to escape the need for its frantic pace that it moves at as I move throughout the day.
We avoid the darkness many times.  Instead of allowing this to be a moment that our inner self gets to rest and slow down, we want something to preoccupy the space. We turn on the TV… we turn on all the lights that we have in every room… we get dressed and go out to have fun and celebration with our friends… we want to do anything we can to avoid the darkness of night.
A seed is planted in the depth and darkness of the soil. It will not feel the warmth and nurturing light of the sun until it grows from the darkness of its bed. A seed of who we are in planted in the depth and darkness of our soul. It is in the hidden places that we find a part of who we are… and who we will become. Maybe that is why we avoid the darkness because we are reluctant to get our inner vision adjusted to see a part of who we are. We are afraid that it will expose the lesser part. Yet, this lesser part is nonetheless a part of who we are.
Why is it that we struggle to only reveal the greater part when all the long to be truly authentic we need to reveal all of who we are… what is there to be afraid of?  Is it a fear of rejection? Is it pride? Is it because it is not a good “marketing” ploy? Are we afraid that the person of our affection or possibly a friend will not accept the lesser along with the greater? So, we have to ask ourselves this one question.
Am I willing to embrace in a healthy way all that I am? Am I so afraid of the thoughts of others that I will embrace their relationship instead of embracing my true self?
Am I willing to understand the lesser so that it can grow as an accent to the greater? Keeping in mind that a bouquet of flowers is made even more beautiful with the lesser garnishment… so it is with the beauty of who we are. It is not the best of us that makes us who we are; it is the authentic unification of the lesser along with the greater that gives us depth and true completion.
This path of ours is many times lonely… dark… cold… and confusing. Move into it with the open willingness to discover the purpose for our struggles. I know that this is not the easiest message to read and it is not the easiest one to write. I need to remind myself that it is in the darkness of the dirt that some of the most beautiful flowers grow out from.
breaking script…. Namaste