There are times that I am not sure where to begin.
I remember this time as a teenager when I was leading a group of other teenagers through the woods near the farmhouse that I grew up in. There is no other way of saying this other than this… we were lost. I was too ashamed to admit it at the time but I had no clue as to where we were or the direction we were going. You see, I had played in these woods so many times but at night it looked so different. The creek beds were going in directions that I did not recognize. It was so cold and pitch black. The group of laughing teenagers grew into a worried confused group of wandering kids.
As I think about it, rarely do I ever get lost in the daytime. There is something about the daytime that allows us to get our internal compass straight.
This is not easy to say but there are times that inwardly the light gets dim and darkens. It is like the dusk of emotions settles into the moonless night of darkness. The shadow of the day lengthens until the shadow is all that there seems to be. It takes a moment to adjust our vision as we walk into each room of thoughts. Sometimes the first inclination is to find a light switch… and like a stumbling person in the middle of the night we grasp and grope along the wall to find it. But as we do we realize that our eyes are getting more accustomed to the new darkness. For myself, there are other times when I just sit in the darkness… in my chair… listening to the music that I always have on at a low volume… always and everyday… the music is playing. I will sit in my chair as I settle into this moment of darkness. As I do, I allow my mind to escape the need for its frantic pace that it moves at as I move throughout the day.
We avoid the darkness many times. Instead of allowing this to be a moment that our inner self gets to rest and slow down, we want something to preoccupy the space. We turn on the TV… we turn on all the lights that we have in every room… we get dressed and go out to have fun and celebration with our friends… we want to do anything we can to avoid the darkness of night.
A seed is planted in the depth and darkness of the soil. It will not feel the warmth and nurturing light of the sun until it grows from the darkness of its bed. A seed of who we are in planted in the depth and darkness of our soul. It is in the hidden places that we find a part of who we are… and who we will become. Maybe that is why we avoid the darkness because we are reluctant to get our inner vision adjusted to see a part of who we are. We are afraid that it will expose the lesser part. Yet, this lesser part is nonetheless a part of who we are.
Why is it that we struggle to only reveal the greater part when all the long to be truly authentic we need to reveal all of who we are… what is there to be afraid of? Is it a fear of rejection? Is it pride? Is it because it is not a good “marketing” ploy? Are we afraid that the person of our affection or possibly a friend will not accept the lesser along with the greater? So, we have to ask ourselves this one question.
Am I willing to embrace in a healthy way all that I am? Am I so afraid of the thoughts of others that I will embrace their relationship instead of embracing my true self?
Am I willing to understand the lesser so that it can grow as an accent to the greater? Keeping in mind that a bouquet of flowers is made even more beautiful with the lesser garnishment… so it is with the beauty of who we are. It is not the best of us that makes us who we are; it is the authentic unification of the lesser along with the greater that gives us depth and true completion.
This path of ours is many times lonely… dark… cold… and confusing. Move into it with the open willingness to discover the purpose for our struggles. I know that this is not the easiest message to read and it is not the easiest one to write. I need to remind myself that it is in the darkness of the dirt that some of the most beautiful flowers grow out from.
breaking script…. Namaste
Showing posts with label Teenagers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teenagers. Show all posts
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
streams of thought...january 9th, 2014
Have you ever sat in a chair and all of the sudden you feel like someone just turned on the wave pool at the waterpark?
I remember, as a father, taking my daughters to the waterpark until it was requested that they get dropped off at the entrance. In regards to being out in public, I determined a few years back that there were certain stages that many parents go through when it comes to them and their children.
The first stage is that when they are young it’s ok and necessary to just be with them. (I can’t emphasize the word “necessary” enough.)
The second stage is that they want their space… it can vacillate from being in the same store, but not the same department, to just being in the same mall building. It’s a yoyo experience.
The third stage is “hey, can you drop us off at the door.” It is at this stage that the art of negotiation begins because somewhere along the way someone didn’t mention that time apart is expected. So, there is the negotiation of “check-in” times.
The next stage, and I am still under the impression that this is the last stage, is when you hear in the distant part of the house that usually originates from the front door area an announcement. It is the announcement that “someone” is going out with their friends to go shopping. Now we all know that “shopping” is code for “I am going out”; however, no parent wants to hear that phrase nor does a teenager usually utter those words. The reason no one says ”I am going out”? It is because they know those words unleashes a barrage of questions from any parental unit. For a teenager to make the mistake of saying that “I am going out” means there will be an immediate appearance of mom or dad asking questions like “what are you going to be doing?”, “what time will you be home?”, and the one that opens another level of interrogation…”who are you going with?”
Settling into my chair this morning, I realize not only will I not have those dialogues with my daughters again but I also won’t have January 1st through the 8th of 2014 either. Before I sat down, I whimsically thought to myself… hey fifty more weeks before Christmas. I agree that it is way too early to be thinking about something that we just celebrated but in many ways isn’t that how we think?
Life has a way of being dissolved into benchmarks of time called “occasions”. Let’s be honest with ourselves.
As a student, I have already had a discussion in one of my classes about spring break. Also, I have become more accustomed to looking at my class schedule and measuring out how much time I have before my first paper is due. I will even admit to looking at the summer schedule of classes when I have just barely started a new semester.
As families, you might already be planning a family vacation this year. Or you have talked about the children’s sports season coming to a close and when is the next one beginning? We seem to be always wanting to engaged with the next step; while we are still in mid stride with the present.
Turn on the wave pool… I sat in my chair this morning and I almost immediately felt overwhelmed. I wasn’t overwhelmed with the present. No, it just seems that the whispers of the past and the taunting of the future seem to be joining in a chorus of some song of dissonance. It almost sounds like an orchestra that is going through their warming up session prior to the first movement.
As I sit here in my chair writing and imagining all that is going on, I begin to smile. I smile because right after the musical warm up there is something amazing that happens… silence. Then a tapping of the baton… and then it begins.
We all have these moments. We hear the past… the questions… the discovered answers… the judgment… the validation… the failures… the successes. We look at the future and wonder what it is really going to look like. We wonder what surprises await us. For some of us, it is a new life with a career that we are passionate about. For others, we wonder if we will find love. For others, we wonder if an illness will return. All of these past and future ponderings are just warming up sessions. The past is exactly that… the past. We left its presence and it is a heavy “reference book of life” that is not supposed to be taken home. The future? It is a song that is yet to be written. The crescendos cannot be played until the tempo has been discovered.
Let this morning be a moment of time when the music of the present is being heard. We need that moment of silence… a period of time that we hear the beating of our own heart… for our heart is the baton that leads our own rhythm.
Be still… let the sound of your heartbeat lead you on your path… breaking script… Namaste
I remember, as a father, taking my daughters to the waterpark until it was requested that they get dropped off at the entrance. In regards to being out in public, I determined a few years back that there were certain stages that many parents go through when it comes to them and their children.
The first stage is that when they are young it’s ok and necessary to just be with them. (I can’t emphasize the word “necessary” enough.)
The second stage is that they want their space… it can vacillate from being in the same store, but not the same department, to just being in the same mall building. It’s a yoyo experience.
The third stage is “hey, can you drop us off at the door.” It is at this stage that the art of negotiation begins because somewhere along the way someone didn’t mention that time apart is expected. So, there is the negotiation of “check-in” times.
The next stage, and I am still under the impression that this is the last stage, is when you hear in the distant part of the house that usually originates from the front door area an announcement. It is the announcement that “someone” is going out with their friends to go shopping. Now we all know that “shopping” is code for “I am going out”; however, no parent wants to hear that phrase nor does a teenager usually utter those words. The reason no one says ”I am going out”? It is because they know those words unleashes a barrage of questions from any parental unit. For a teenager to make the mistake of saying that “I am going out” means there will be an immediate appearance of mom or dad asking questions like “what are you going to be doing?”, “what time will you be home?”, and the one that opens another level of interrogation…”who are you going with?”
Settling into my chair this morning, I realize not only will I not have those dialogues with my daughters again but I also won’t have January 1st through the 8th of 2014 either. Before I sat down, I whimsically thought to myself… hey fifty more weeks before Christmas. I agree that it is way too early to be thinking about something that we just celebrated but in many ways isn’t that how we think?
Life has a way of being dissolved into benchmarks of time called “occasions”. Let’s be honest with ourselves.
As a student, I have already had a discussion in one of my classes about spring break. Also, I have become more accustomed to looking at my class schedule and measuring out how much time I have before my first paper is due. I will even admit to looking at the summer schedule of classes when I have just barely started a new semester.
As families, you might already be planning a family vacation this year. Or you have talked about the children’s sports season coming to a close and when is the next one beginning? We seem to be always wanting to engaged with the next step; while we are still in mid stride with the present.
Turn on the wave pool… I sat in my chair this morning and I almost immediately felt overwhelmed. I wasn’t overwhelmed with the present. No, it just seems that the whispers of the past and the taunting of the future seem to be joining in a chorus of some song of dissonance. It almost sounds like an orchestra that is going through their warming up session prior to the first movement.
As I sit here in my chair writing and imagining all that is going on, I begin to smile. I smile because right after the musical warm up there is something amazing that happens… silence. Then a tapping of the baton… and then it begins.
We all have these moments. We hear the past… the questions… the discovered answers… the judgment… the validation… the failures… the successes. We look at the future and wonder what it is really going to look like. We wonder what surprises await us. For some of us, it is a new life with a career that we are passionate about. For others, we wonder if we will find love. For others, we wonder if an illness will return. All of these past and future ponderings are just warming up sessions. The past is exactly that… the past. We left its presence and it is a heavy “reference book of life” that is not supposed to be taken home. The future? It is a song that is yet to be written. The crescendos cannot be played until the tempo has been discovered.
Let this morning be a moment of time when the music of the present is being heard. We need that moment of silence… a period of time that we hear the beating of our own heart… for our heart is the baton that leads our own rhythm.
Be still… let the sound of your heartbeat lead you on your path… breaking script… Namaste
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